Santipolo

I deactivated my Facebook account earlier rather than deleting it. I intend to go back to it later in the year just not any time soon. I am going to declutter my life as much as possible and get back to basics, real people, real situations. Dad is finally moving this weekend. I’d hoped for a smooth transition, that’s not looking likely. Everyone who reads this should know how to contact me, for those who don’t, reply to this, I’ll get it.

I deactivated my Facebook account earlier rather than deleting it. I intend to go back to it later in the year just not any time soon. I am going to declutter my life as much as possible and get back to basics, real people, real situations. Dad is finally moving this weekend. I’d hoped for a smooth transition, that’s not looking likely. Everyone who reads this should know how to contact me, for those who don’t, reply to this, I’ll get it.

I’ve been battling depression for years. Mostly I got it under control. My last complete failure to control it was more than 20 years ago. What is depression? Damn inconvenient is what it is! Depression doesn’t just happen at night or last a couple of hours when we’re alone. It can happen at what could have been the best of times surrounded by the nicest of people. It can last for moments of severe woe to days of just not wanting to exist. How does it affect me? I go to bed at night genuinely hoping not to wake up the next day. I feel like everyone around me has a life, has a purpose except me. That to most I am needed, not wanted, that if I actually didn’t wake up tomorrow it isn’t the person I am which would be missed, it’s the stuff I can do for others. That’s how it affects me, that’s not saying it’s the reality, it’s how depression warps our perception of the world. What other stuff makes it worse? Every rejection stabs in the heart. Seeing others being invited places I am not wan...

I’ve been battling depression for years. Mostly I got it under control. My last complete failure to control it was more than 20 years ago. What is depression? Damn inconvenient is what it is! Depression doesn’t just happen at night or last a couple of hours when we’re alone. It can happen at what could have been the best of times surrounded by the nicest of people. It can last for moments of severe woe to days of just not wanting to exist. How does it affect me? I go to bed at night genuinely hoping not to wake up the next day. I feel like everyone around me has a life, has a purpose except me. That to most I am needed, not wanted, that if I actually didn’t wake up tomorrow it isn’t the person I am which would be missed, it’s the stuff I can do for others. That’s how it affects me, that’s not saying it’s the reality, it’s how depression warps our perception of the world. What other stuff makes it worse? Every rejection stabs in the heart. Seeing others being invited places I am not wan...

I really wish there was this magic ‘difference’ that January 1st had. To me it’s like going on holiday, everything about it is different except the one thing which actually makes a difference …. us! How annoying is it that no matter how far we go we always have to take ourselves along? What we really want is to be a different person, a better person, we think that a change of year or location will make all the difference but, it won’t. If we want to be a different, better person then it is up to us to change. No more excuses. Most of us already know what we probably need to do but we’ve built up this buffer zone between what we need to be and what we are. Too many of us are held back by those around us, we can’t always change that, that’s a result of decisions we made years ago that we just have to wait out. Some of us choose to be in a friend group which actively holds us back. If our friends are irresponsible and immature, rising above t...

I really wish there was this magic ‘difference’ that January 1st had. To me it’s like going on holiday, everything about it is different except the one thing which actually makes a difference …. us! How annoying is it that no matter how far we go we always have to take ourselves along? What we really want is to be a different person, a better person, we think that a change of year or location will make all the difference but, it won’t. If we want to be a different, better person then it is up to us to change. No more excuses. Most of us already know what we probably need to do but we’ve built up this buffer zone between what we need to be and what we are. Too many of us are held back by those around us, we can’t always change that, that’s a result of decisions we made years ago that we just have to wait out. Some of us choose to be in a friend group which actively holds us back. If our friends are irresponsible and immature, rising above t...