Much Awaited

Update cos, apparently, I have not written anything in ages and it simply isn’t good enough!

Photography … am getting into using a proper camera and liking the results .. I have it in my cunning plan to have everyone on my Facebook friends list using one of the pictures I have taken as their profile pictures!

I think, there, that shocked you … but seriously, I think it may be getting to that point where I start actually reading on what does what on one of these digital SLR cameras. I also have to remember to take the darned thing out with me more often.

OK, some updates since the last time:

• Josh did a visit to the hospital, all OK at the moment with the Spherocytosis. The current thinking is the leave a splenectomy as long as possible with a view to avoiding it if at all possible.
• James has been seeing Josh regularly for a week now, all seems to be going well though today, for some reason, not so but then, there did seem to be a general atmosphere here that was generally unsettled. I am not overly concerned about it, normal family stuff I guess.
• Have decided that the Citroen Picasso is just not big enough and asked if I could change to an alternate. I don’t hold out much hope.
• This week seems to be quite busy yet, apart from a trip to Birmingham on Tuesday evening to see Alice in Wonderland, I can’t really see that there is much happening at all so, why do I think it is busy?
• Did a trip down to Kent to see my Dad, all went well though, as usual, knackering.

Am already sick of the run up to the as yet unannounced general election. Both main parties seem to be totally unwilling to explain their own policies and would rather concentrate on what the other lot are doing instead … this really just helps me stick with my theory that they are both so similar that neither is now worth voting for and need to be removed from their positions. Problem there is, the Liberal Democrats are so far behind it is near on impossible for them to take over the slot from either the other two and not helped either by a media who insist on only ever reporting that we are either going to have a Conservative or Labour government come June … so much for free and unbiased television.

Am sick of Global Warming. In the 1970’s we had the cold war when any minute we would get a three minute warning before the world as we know it would end. Hell, I remember talk of another ice age by erm, 2010 as it happens and, the world as we know it would come to an end. It seemed also that the hole in the ozone layer was growing at such an alarming rate that by the new millennium, we would all be seriously be affected by the climate change … yes, clearly not so seeing as none of these ‘freak’ meteorological occurrences are actually freak at all, they have all happened before and way before we used nasty CFC’s and through our old fridges into the atmosphere. The entire planet would be killed off by mad cow disease, likewise with swine flu  … guess what. we’re still here. You know, by the time I am 36 the entire oil reserves on the planet will have run out and we shall all be driving electric cars … hmm, yes, that would be a decade ago now.

What we have is a very good excuse for raising extra revenue by so called ‘green’ taxation. Hype the price of fuel to make sure that we use our cars less and preserve the planet. What utter bullshit. What actually happens is that this government and governments before this found a way of taxing the poorest without it being as obvious as raising income tax. Indeed, so good is this green taxation that not only are those at work paying it but also those on the very lowest state and disability benefits are paying for it. It doesn’t even matter they don’t have a car. High fuel prices also equate to higher prices on the things which everyone has to buy as the haulage companies pass on their costs to the consumer. This is all before we forget the huge amount of profits energy companies and oil companies are making whilst continuing to raise prices on gas an electricity. Always we hear the same thing, how they bought the raw material when the price was higher so that the current decrease cannot be passed on yet, when they happen to buy low, they cannot pass on the saving as the revenue is needed as investment in future resource! Some of these companies make profits higher than the GDP of many other ‘countries’, that cannot be right as it is, once again, the poorest contributing most to their huge wealth. I pay around £2000 every year in VAT, that is a lot of money for someone on state benefits. Actually, that figure is an ‘at least’ one as it is based on nothing more than my direct debits and standing orders. It doesn’t include what I consider to be luxury items such as gifts, clothing and days away.

Can’t go to bed too late, I am up tomorrow at 7:30 so, this shall be it for this blog entry

Much Awaited

Update cos, apparently, I have not written anything in ages and it simply isn’t good enough!

Photography … am getting into using a proper camera and liking the results .. I have it in my cunning plan to have everyone on my Facebook friends list using one of the pictures I have taken as their profile pictures!

I think, there, that shocked you … but seriously, I think it may be getting to that point where I start actually reading on what does what on one of these digital SLR cameras. I also have to remember to take the darned thing out with me more often.

OK, some updates since the last time:

• Josh did a visit to the hospital, all OK at the moment with the Spherocytosis. The current thinking is the leave a splenectomy as long as possible with a view to avoiding it if at all possible.
• James has been seeing Josh regularly for a week now, all seems to be going well though today, for some reason, not so but then, there did seem to be a general atmosphere here that was generally unsettled. I am not overly concerned about it, normal family stuff I guess.
• Have decided that the Citroen Picasso is just not big enough and asked if I could change to an alternate. I don’t hold out much hope.
• This week seems to be quite busy yet, apart from a trip to Birmingham on Tuesday evening to see Alice in Wonderland, I can’t really see that there is much happening at all so, why do I think it is busy?
• Did a trip down to Kent to see my Dad, all went well though, as usual, knackering.

Am already sick of the run up to the as yet unannounced general election. Both main parties seem to be totally unwilling to explain their own policies and would rather concentrate on what the other lot are doing instead … this really just helps me stick with my theory that they are both so similar that neither is now worth voting for and need to be removed from their positions. Problem there is, the Liberal Democrats are so far behind it is near on impossible for them to take over the slot from either the other two and not helped either by a media who insist on only ever reporting that we are either going to have a Conservative or Labour government come June … so much for free and unbiased television.

Am sick of Global Warming. In the 1970’s we had the cold war when any minute we would get a three minute warning before the world as we know it would end. Hell, I remember talk of another ice age by erm, 2010 as it happens and, the world as we know it would come to an end. It seemed also that the hole in the ozone layer was growing at such an alarming rate that by the new millennium, we would all be seriously be affected by the climate change … yes, clearly not so seeing as none of these ‘freak’ meteorological occurrences are actually freak at all, they have all happened before and way before we used nasty CFC’s and through our old fridges into the atmosphere. The entire planet would be killed off by mad cow disease, likewise with swine flu  … guess what. we’re still here. You know, by the time I am 36 the entire oil reserves on the planet will have run out and we shall all be driving electric cars … hmm, yes, that would be a decade ago now.

What we have is a very good excuse for raising extra revenue by so called ‘green’ taxation. Hype the price of fuel to make sure that we use our cars less and preserve the planet. What utter bullshit. What actually happens is that this government and governments before this found a way of taxing the poorest without it being as obvious as raising income tax. Indeed, so good is this green taxation that not only are those at work paying it but also those on the very lowest state and disability benefits are paying for it. It doesn’t even matter they don’t have a car. High fuel prices also equate to higher prices on the things which everyone has to buy as the haulage companies pass on their costs to the consumer. This is all before we forget the huge amount of profits energy companies and oil companies are making whilst continuing to raise prices on gas an electricity. Always we hear the same thing, how they bought the raw material when the price was higher so that the current decrease cannot be passed on yet, when they happen to buy low, they cannot pass on the saving as the revenue is needed as investment in future resource! Some of these companies make profits higher than the GDP of many other ‘countries’, that cannot be right as it is, once again, the poorest contributing most to their huge wealth. I pay around £2000 every year in VAT, that is a lot of money for someone on state benefits. Actually, that figure is an ‘at least’ one as it is based on nothing more than my direct debits and standing orders. It doesn’t include what I consider to be luxury items such as gifts, clothing and days away.

Can’t go to bed too late, I am up tomorrow at 7:30 so, this shall be it for this blog entry

Election

This is one election I am not looking forward to. I am old enough to remember the disaster we had under the Conservatives until 1997, I have had a long while under ‘New Labour’.

The Tories created a country devoid of society with the attitude of every person for themselves. It was them too who created the benefit cheat and the disgrace of the single mother. They too promoted homophobia. It was all sleaze and fiddles and refusals to resign. They were out of touch with the everyday man. They believed, still believe that wealth will filter down whereas, we know that the reality is, the rich get richer whilst the workers get poorer. Yes, their leader is the first in a long time to inspire confidence but, he’s a Tory just like any other.

Under New Labour we have seen prices no longer connected any way to inflation. The poorest are seeing their every day expenses that they cannot avoid rising 10-20% annually whilst the Government claim it is only around 2%. The Government suck up to faith groups at the cost of everyone else allowing those with a faith to dictate the law of the land. I doubt never before have we seen so many non UK citizens living on this island. Very few of the good laws brought into the UK have been implemented because this Government thought we should have them, most were enforced by the EU.

So, I am not impressed by either party, I believe more of New Labour is god for the country but bad for the less well off. The Tories taking over will be bad for the country and bad for the less well off. Who does that leave? The Liberal Democrats and, what do we actually know about them? I find it difficult to get any sort of feeling from them on what they stand for. What worries me is their consistency on green issues and, excuse me, but we know that the only thing green about them is the colour of the money it costs everyone in extra tax. I am sick of having so called green issues used as an excuse to increase the price of things yet, I see very little to quantify why it is we need these policies and what, if anything, we actually gain from them.

 

I may well vote Liberal though, if anything it will be a protest vote against both the other parties. Yes, it is true that voting LD around here may just as well be a vote for the Tories but they will know, if loads vote LD that their winning vote is not a vote of confidence, they will know they were in trouble and have not won because the voters want them but, rather, because they didn’t want either of the two main parties. Let’s watch and see us get a new Tory government with only a third of those who voted having voted for them!

My advice to the undecided, vote Liberal Democrat, show both these complacent parties we are sick of their damn predictability and them both taking the piss with the people of this country

Election

This is one election I am not looking forward to. I am old enough to remember the disaster we had under the Conservatives until 1997, I have had a long while under ‘New Labour’.

The Tories created a country devoid of society with the attitude of every person for themselves. It was them too who created the benefit cheat and the disgrace of the single mother. They too promoted homophobia. It was all sleaze and fiddles and refusals to resign. They were out of touch with the everyday man. They believed, still believe that wealth will filter down whereas, we know that the reality is, the rich get richer whilst the workers get poorer. Yes, their leader is the first in a long time to inspire confidence but, he’s a Tory just like any other.

Under New Labour we have seen prices no longer connected any way to inflation. The poorest are seeing their every day expenses that they cannot avoid rising 10-20% annually whilst the Government claim it is only around 2%. The Government suck up to faith groups at the cost of everyone else allowing those with a faith to dictate the law of the land. I doubt never before have we seen so many non UK citizens living on this island. Very few of the good laws brought into the UK have been implemented because this Government thought we should have them, most were enforced by the EU.

So, I am not impressed by either party, I believe more of New Labour is god for the country but bad for the less well off. The Tories taking over will be bad for the country and bad for the less well off. Who does that leave? The Liberal Democrats and, what do we actually know about them? I find it difficult to get any sort of feeling from them on what they stand for. What worries me is their consistency on green issues and, excuse me, but we know that the only thing green about them is the colour of the money it costs everyone in extra tax. I am sick of having so called green issues used as an excuse to increase the price of things yet, I see very little to quantify why it is we need these policies and what, if anything, we actually gain from them.

 

I may well vote Liberal though, if anything it will be a protest vote against both the other parties. Yes, it is true that voting LD around here may just as well be a vote for the Tories but they will know, if loads vote LD that their winning vote is not a vote of confidence, they will know they were in trouble and have not won because the voters want them but, rather, because they didn’t want either of the two main parties. Let’s watch and see us get a new Tory government with only a third of those who voted having voted for them!

My advice to the undecided, vote Liberal Democrat, show both these complacent parties we are sick of their damn predictability and them both taking the piss with the people of this country

Mum

I miss mine. She died in 1986. It gets easier, it never gets better. I know others reading this also lost mothers young, Nick n Danny, huge hugs.

Thanks to Sean for making my daughter happy on mothers day. You did not make her a mum but you earned the right to be at her side as Josh’s dad

Mum

I miss mine. She died in 1986. It gets easier, it never gets better. I know others reading this also lost mothers young, Nick n Danny, huge hugs.

Thanks to Sean for making my daughter happy on mothers day. You did not make her a mum but you earned the right to be at her side as Josh’s dad

Escape Tomorrow!

Yes folks, for one day only, we are off out of Northampton! We are trekking across the mountains to Milton Keynes (no less) … I know, I hear your excitement at it all.

Thing is, if Starbucks won’t come to me then I shall have to go to it.

Daisy is not very well bless her. I think it’s just a posture thing affecting her back but, better to be safe than sorry she’s off to the doctor tomorrow.

Missing Matt … strange seeing as I’d probably not have seen him anyway but it helps knowing he’s just around the corner, hoping Anne is coping OK on her own even though I am sure she has loads of support from her mum, sister etc.

Sorry, James bit again, skip to the end of this bit if not interested

I hate that there is going to be a legal case about Josh. Yes, it makes sense for Daisy to have residency. Effectively she has it already by virtue of how long she’s been the primary carer but, even so. The frustrating bit is the issue of contact with James. Every time I see a first for Josh I just can’t work out why James would mess with the deal he was offered to replace it with what a court may decide (which will be hardly anything) … he’s got just a few short weeks to make the most important decision of his life. Be an important part of Josh’s life or be one of those dads who takes their kids to McDonalds once a fortnight if they are lucky on their two hour contact session. True, he may get more than that but, why gamble with it? Whatever a court may decide just will not be anything close to what he will want. Right now he has virtually unlimited access which he’s been told will get even better over time. All he has to do for that right now is consistently turn up and spend a tiny fraction of the money he has, less than the cost of a second hand two year old xbox game!

• Pack of nappies – £6
• Baby Wipes – 50p or so
• Nappy Sacks – About £1
• Baby mild – £7

That’s about £14 yet, so far he’s not got the money, he can’t manage it for whatever reason.

I am not having a dig here, I am desperate for James to realise how little he has to do to see Josh. The other rule … be here by 10am unless there is a really good reason not to be. Any other parent would be getting up with the child and 10am would be one hell of a lay in with a 5 month old. Daisy and Sean are woken around 7am.

Stay here for three hours each week day … that just three hours. Me and Deej as grandparents look after Josh for at least 7 hours every day.

Any other rules? no.

Obviously, if James gets a job then those will be altered to ensure he’ll still have good contact.

It’s about giving something up, it is what all parents have to do and why should James expect any less?

What point is there in saying to James, ‘turn up when you want, never pay for anything, go when you like, cancel when you like’ … that is not what being a dad is like. It’s about ‘wanting’ to be there for your child and not allowing everything else to get in the way. Friends and family take a back seat, they have to. Yes, along the way that’ll mean being just a little bit less cool, a little less available and popular but, those friends won’t stick around anyway. Isn’t it better to lose a few so called mates now and have a son for life than lose the son, lose the friends and be angry the rest of life?

I don’t know what it is that is stopping James, I really totally wish I did. Maybe if I understood it I could help, we could, all of us together, work something out.

When relationships fail we have to make do with what is left, we can’t go back or dwell on what could or should have been. Our future, as I see it, is unwritten and it is what we do from now on that will make it go one way or another not what happened in the past.

Again, in a blog, too much on James but time is running out, I am trying whatever I can to get him to work with us, work with Daisy and Sean more accurately. 2010 is a turning point for James, I am sure he knows it already. I understand the stress of that so, please James, don’t add to it over this one. Whatever it is that is pissing you off right now, don’t allow that to get in the way of being part of this family and in Josh’s life.

End of James bit

Back to other matters … Sean is working really hard creating a website for Deej. He’s learnt loads the past couple of months on IT, I think he’s really found something he’s good at and that he gets excited about. He’s still got loads to learn but, at this rate, a year from now he’ll be teaching me stuff!

Josh was good with his jabs earlier. He had three in total. First two he carried on smiling through but, he had to be turned around for the other jab and that hurt the already jabbed leg and he cried a bit. He was smiling again before he left the surgery. Has been irritable this evening and didn’t eat much but enjoyed his nice warm bath and did loads of splashing so I got soaked again!

Escape Tomorrow!

Yes folks, for one day only, we are off out of Northampton! We are trekking across the mountains to Milton Keynes (no less) … I know, I hear your excitement at it all.

Thing is, if Starbucks won’t come to me then I shall have to go to it.

Daisy is not very well bless her. I think it’s just a posture thing affecting her back but, better to be safe than sorry she’s off to the doctor tomorrow.

Missing Matt … strange seeing as I’d probably not have seen him anyway but it helps knowing he’s just around the corner, hoping Anne is coping OK on her own even though I am sure she has loads of support from her mum, sister etc.

Sorry, James bit again, skip to the end of this bit if not interested

I hate that there is going to be a legal case about Josh. Yes, it makes sense for Daisy to have residency. Effectively she has it already by virtue of how long she’s been the primary carer but, even so. The frustrating bit is the issue of contact with James. Every time I see a first for Josh I just can’t work out why James would mess with the deal he was offered to replace it with what a court may decide (which will be hardly anything) … he’s got just a few short weeks to make the most important decision of his life. Be an important part of Josh’s life or be one of those dads who takes their kids to McDonalds once a fortnight if they are lucky on their two hour contact session. True, he may get more than that but, why gamble with it? Whatever a court may decide just will not be anything close to what he will want. Right now he has virtually unlimited access which he’s been told will get even better over time. All he has to do for that right now is consistently turn up and spend a tiny fraction of the money he has, less than the cost of a second hand two year old xbox game!

• Pack of nappies – £6
• Baby Wipes – 50p or so
• Nappy Sacks – About £1
• Baby mild – £7

That’s about £14 yet, so far he’s not got the money, he can’t manage it for whatever reason.

I am not having a dig here, I am desperate for James to realise how little he has to do to see Josh. The other rule … be here by 10am unless there is a really good reason not to be. Any other parent would be getting up with the child and 10am would be one hell of a lay in with a 5 month old. Daisy and Sean are woken around 7am.

Stay here for three hours each week day … that just three hours. Me and Deej as grandparents look after Josh for at least 7 hours every day.

Any other rules? no.

Obviously, if James gets a job then those will be altered to ensure he’ll still have good contact.

It’s about giving something up, it is what all parents have to do and why should James expect any less?

What point is there in saying to James, ‘turn up when you want, never pay for anything, go when you like, cancel when you like’ … that is not what being a dad is like. It’s about ‘wanting’ to be there for your child and not allowing everything else to get in the way. Friends and family take a back seat, they have to. Yes, along the way that’ll mean being just a little bit less cool, a little less available and popular but, those friends won’t stick around anyway. Isn’t it better to lose a few so called mates now and have a son for life than lose the son, lose the friends and be angry the rest of life?

I don’t know what it is that is stopping James, I really totally wish I did. Maybe if I understood it I could help, we could, all of us together, work something out.

When relationships fail we have to make do with what is left, we can’t go back or dwell on what could or should have been. Our future, as I see it, is unwritten and it is what we do from now on that will make it go one way or another not what happened in the past.

Again, in a blog, too much on James but time is running out, I am trying whatever I can to get him to work with us, work with Daisy and Sean more accurately. 2010 is a turning point for James, I am sure he knows it already. I understand the stress of that so, please James, don’t add to it over this one. Whatever it is that is pissing you off right now, don’t allow that to get in the way of being part of this family and in Josh’s life.

End of James bit

Back to other matters … Sean is working really hard creating a website for Deej. He’s learnt loads the past couple of months on IT, I think he’s really found something he’s good at and that he gets excited about. He’s still got loads to learn but, at this rate, a year from now he’ll be teaching me stuff!

Josh was good with his jabs earlier. He had three in total. First two he carried on smiling through but, he had to be turned around for the other jab and that hurt the already jabbed leg and he cried a bit. He was smiling again before he left the surgery. Has been irritable this evening and didn’t eat much but enjoyed his nice warm bath and did loads of splashing so I got soaked again!

Ebay

I love Ebay but, sometimes it can all go a little screwy. You see, the trick is to bid on several items in the hope that we win just a few. So, don’t bid too high, just estimate what it is likely to go for and stick to it, don’t ever get into a bidding war. Indeed, better yet, bid just under what an item may go for. True, the end result may end up with nothing but that’s part of the fun of the auction, if something is that important, head for the ‘buy it now’ options.

So, armed with this fun and near foolproof approach I set forth to order some baby clothes for the kids, well, who else would it be for? There were loads to choose from and I put in some silly low bids knowing that I’d probably win about a third of the items and that was plenty. Yes, yes, the best laid plans and all that. The whole damn lot of them were won at those stupid bid prices and now I have a huge box of baby clothes and not even half of the won items have arrived!

The moral of this story is, when using Ebay, don’t be a smart arse!

Ebay

I love Ebay but, sometimes it can all go a little screwy. You see, the trick is to bid on several items in the hope that we win just a few. So, don’t bid too high, just estimate what it is likely to go for and stick to it, don’t ever get into a bidding war. Indeed, better yet, bid just under what an item may go for. True, the end result may end up with nothing but that’s part of the fun of the auction, if something is that important, head for the ‘buy it now’ options.

So, armed with this fun and near foolproof approach I set forth to order some baby clothes for the kids, well, who else would it be for? There were loads to choose from and I put in some silly low bids knowing that I’d probably win about a third of the items and that was plenty. Yes, yes, the best laid plans and all that. The whole damn lot of them were won at those stupid bid prices and now I have a huge box of baby clothes and not even half of the won items have arrived!

The moral of this story is, when using Ebay, don’t be a smart arse!

Writing Helps … no, really

Sometimes I write down my anger as I need to do that because it cleanses my mind and this is a good thing. Occasionally though, I am so angry about something that it is counter productive to write about it.

 

What I am going to do instead is use some reverse psychology on myself which will work even though I know what I am doing.

 

My Life is wonderful

 

Yes, it really is.

I started having children over 22 years ago now. Sadly, Jermaine will never reach a level where it could be reasonably said he’ll achieve anything, I love him all the same.

Matt had a tough childhood, life as a Young Carer is never easy and he had a gay dad to deal with as well and, quite clearly, that didn’t make his life any easier. It was no great shock when he went a little down the wrong path for a while and life was difficult for all of us. That was then and this is now. I am ever so proud of what he’s achieved with Anne’s support. He could have stayed on the downward spiral yet he is now making something of himself, I hope, feeling a sense of pride in where his life is heading.

Zoey, as with Jermaine, is special needs. She has managed to achieve quite a lot though regardless of her problems. There is a very long way to go, she may never get there, but I am sure she shall continue to develop as a person. I am still her proud dad and love her loads.

Daisy was always going to be a problem right from near enough birth, it’s part of who she is, in her genes sort of thing. But, she’s loads like me. She’s unconventional, sods the rule book, does what she thinks is right. For coming on 17 she is very mature though there is always that little girl fighting to get out and, sometimes she could do with opening the door. I was very pleased with her GCSE results and know that, if she wants to, she can achieve all her ambitions, even the ones she doesn’t know she has yet. Daisy is an amazing person and brilliant mum.

Deej is totally childlike, immature in so many ways and I love him for it. He’s the other side of my coin. I can’t imagine life without Deej here by my side and, with all the stress I have had the past 18 months he’s had to cope with a lot of rejection and, for that, I am really sorry. Love you Deej.

Anne was an amazing find for Matt and it is a shame he didn’t find her earlier, his life would have been a lot more settled but then, maybe the timing had to be that way? She is a very warm, loving person and a great mum. Yeah, sure, she’s a kid sometimes but that’s a good point, no one should be in too much of a hurry to grow up and that includes me! I am very happy with the way Anne has helped Matt and look forward to her officially becoming part of the family even though I already see her that way already

Sean, what a great guy he is! Not many guys would take on another mans baby and hardly any at 17. True, he and Daisy have needed a lot of help and will do for some considerable time to come but that’s my job and I take it very seriously (in a fun sort of way). Sean has changed loads since last summer. He’s more confident and looking toward a future now. Last summer he’d have thought this afternoon was too much future planning! He was also totally convinced he couldn’t get an education but here is now in college! He even has a career in mind and takes his role with Josh very seriously.

I have a great friend in Robin, always there when I need him (he’d argue ‘when I don’t’ as well). He has a warm heart and loving nature. I am a very lucky person indeed to have Robin by my side

My Dad … we fell out big time hundreds of years ago but I do still love him and never want not to have him around somewhere as annoying as he can be with his ‘fun’ criticism at times. It really is never fun to be ‘told off’ at any age and, well, I am a little too old to take it easily these days! Hell, I am now the age I shall always think of my dad as being, I can’t imagine my Dad ever being over 50!

So, I have a lot of positives going on right now, that little list above is bigger than the list I could write of the negatives.

I want to add though, and this is not a complaint or a dig, I just don’t understand James. I honestly have tried everything to keep him part of this family, keep him with good contact with Josh but I can’t work out why it is not working? I am fast running out of options and time to implement them if I think of any. He’s got to start ‘doing’ himself. I can show him the path but he’s got to want to walk it. I totally cannot think of any tinkering or negotiation I can do that is going to help him strike a deal that is going to work any differently than the one he already has. All I can think of now is asking those that know him to try and help him. Going from a lad with no responsibilities to a man with the huge responsibility of a son is difficult, I think he’s scared and people trying to keep him a lad are not helping. It’s like offering a cream cake to someone on a diet, the temptation is too strong. James just has to decide, lad or dad? He cannot be both. I’ll support him with the dad part, as a lad he has to rely on the other lads.

Right, that sorted, I now feel better … and breath.

Writing Helps … no, really

Sometimes I write down my anger as I need to do that because it cleanses my mind and this is a good thing. Occasionally though, I am so angry about something that it is counter productive to write about it.

 

What I am going to do instead is use some reverse psychology on myself which will work even though I know what I am doing.

 

My Life is wonderful

 

Yes, it really is.

I started having children over 22 years ago now. Sadly, Jermaine will never reach a level where it could be reasonably said he’ll achieve anything, I love him all the same.

Matt had a tough childhood, life as a Young Carer is never easy and he had a gay dad to deal with as well and, quite clearly, that didn’t make his life any easier. It was no great shock when he went a little down the wrong path for a while and life was difficult for all of us. That was then and this is now. I am ever so proud of what he’s achieved with Anne’s support. He could have stayed on the downward spiral yet he is now making something of himself, I hope, feeling a sense of pride in where his life is heading.

Zoey, as with Jermaine, is special needs. She has managed to achieve quite a lot though regardless of her problems. There is a very long way to go, she may never get there, but I am sure she shall continue to develop as a person. I am still her proud dad and love her loads.

Daisy was always going to be a problem right from near enough birth, it’s part of who she is, in her genes sort of thing. But, she’s loads like me. She’s unconventional, sods the rule book, does what she thinks is right. For coming on 17 she is very mature though there is always that little girl fighting to get out and, sometimes she could do with opening the door. I was very pleased with her GCSE results and know that, if she wants to, she can achieve all her ambitions, even the ones she doesn’t know she has yet. Daisy is an amazing person and brilliant mum.

Deej is totally childlike, immature in so many ways and I love him for it. He’s the other side of my coin. I can’t imagine life without Deej here by my side and, with all the stress I have had the past 18 months he’s had to cope with a lot of rejection and, for that, I am really sorry. Love you Deej.

Anne was an amazing find for Matt and it is a shame he didn’t find her earlier, his life would have been a lot more settled but then, maybe the timing had to be that way? She is a very warm, loving person and a great mum. Yeah, sure, she’s a kid sometimes but that’s a good point, no one should be in too much of a hurry to grow up and that includes me! I am very happy with the way Anne has helped Matt and look forward to her officially becoming part of the family even though I already see her that way already

Sean, what a great guy he is! Not many guys would take on another mans baby and hardly any at 17. True, he and Daisy have needed a lot of help and will do for some considerable time to come but that’s my job and I take it very seriously (in a fun sort of way). Sean has changed loads since last summer. He’s more confident and looking toward a future now. Last summer he’d have thought this afternoon was too much future planning! He was also totally convinced he couldn’t get an education but here is now in college! He even has a career in mind and takes his role with Josh very seriously.

I have a great friend in Robin, always there when I need him (he’d argue ‘when I don’t’ as well). He has a warm heart and loving nature. I am a very lucky person indeed to have Robin by my side

My Dad … we fell out big time hundreds of years ago but I do still love him and never want not to have him around somewhere as annoying as he can be with his ‘fun’ criticism at times. It really is never fun to be ‘told off’ at any age and, well, I am a little too old to take it easily these days! Hell, I am now the age I shall always think of my dad as being, I can’t imagine my Dad ever being over 50!

So, I have a lot of positives going on right now, that little list above is bigger than the list I could write of the negatives.

I want to add though, and this is not a complaint or a dig, I just don’t understand James. I honestly have tried everything to keep him part of this family, keep him with good contact with Josh but I can’t work out why it is not working? I am fast running out of options and time to implement them if I think of any. He’s got to start ‘doing’ himself. I can show him the path but he’s got to want to walk it. I totally cannot think of any tinkering or negotiation I can do that is going to help him strike a deal that is going to work any differently than the one he already has. All I can think of now is asking those that know him to try and help him. Going from a lad with no responsibilities to a man with the huge responsibility of a son is difficult, I think he’s scared and people trying to keep him a lad are not helping. It’s like offering a cream cake to someone on a diet, the temptation is too strong. James just has to decide, lad or dad? He cannot be both. I’ll support him with the dad part, as a lad he has to rely on the other lads.

Right, that sorted, I now feel better … and breath.

Oh boy!

Firstly, sorry Nick for not getting back to you, one hell of a knackering day.

 

Today was all booked up weeks ago to be my day and Deej’s day to relax and unwind. It was meant to start being that at 9:15, it started to not be that at 9:25!

 

Clear instructions had been left on what and, more importantly, should not happen but, that all went tits up soon enough. Things continued to get worse throughout the day and by mid afternoon I had a whole heap of shite to deal with.

 

Most things are now OK but, another busy weekend seems to be on the cards though, as usual, I actually have no idea what is happening.

 

In a little while I am going to try and sort out some loose ends from today, I suspect that’s gonna go tits up too so best get it all out of the way on tits up day!

 

Some people (unrelated to today) seem to like and try and shite on me from a great height. I don’t know it is jealousy or that they are generally just arseholes but, I don’t have the energy to deal with them. I will find the energy but it’s coming off other things.

 

People, if you don’t want me to do a better job then get off your arses and do a good job in the first place! When you sit on your arse pretending to be amazing, don’t try and feed shit that makes my life more difficult. All you are doing is making things worse for the person you failed in the first place.

 

Think of how you want things to turn out in the long game and stop point scoring. Ultimately, the desired outcome is for everyone to get along isn’t it? Surely that has to be better than the hollow (for one day only) victories of today?

 

I really have no idea why I am wasting my pixels even mentioning it!

Oh boy!

Firstly, sorry Nick for not getting back to you, one hell of a knackering day.

 

Today was all booked up weeks ago to be my day and Deej’s day to relax and unwind. It was meant to start being that at 9:15, it started to not be that at 9:25!

 

Clear instructions had been left on what and, more importantly, should not happen but, that all went tits up soon enough. Things continued to get worse throughout the day and by mid afternoon I had a whole heap of shite to deal with.

 

Most things are now OK but, another busy weekend seems to be on the cards though, as usual, I actually have no idea what is happening.

 

In a little while I am going to try and sort out some loose ends from today, I suspect that’s gonna go tits up too so best get it all out of the way on tits up day!

 

Some people (unrelated to today) seem to like and try and shite on me from a great height. I don’t know it is jealousy or that they are generally just arseholes but, I don’t have the energy to deal with them. I will find the energy but it’s coming off other things.

 

People, if you don’t want me to do a better job then get off your arses and do a good job in the first place! When you sit on your arse pretending to be amazing, don’t try and feed shit that makes my life more difficult. All you are doing is making things worse for the person you failed in the first place.

 

Think of how you want things to turn out in the long game and stop point scoring. Ultimately, the desired outcome is for everyone to get along isn’t it? Surely that has to be better than the hollow (for one day only) victories of today?

 

I really have no idea why I am wasting my pixels even mentioning it!

Hmm, sort of nothing kind of day

So, why am I writing about it then?

 

I dunno, bored I guess and trying to clear my brain ready for sleep!

 

Been creating again. Decided I can’t do anything very creative to the Disneyland Paris site, well, I can’t think of anything at the moment, it’s just too huge. I took a look at my other sites and decided one was ready for a makeover as it has been badly neglected. If I am honest, and I am, it still isn’t what it was intended to be when I bought it. I had high hopes of this little community site for a small village but, I just never get the time to do it justice so, for now, it’ll remain my ‘portal’ site.

 

 

It is rather ‘red’ but I thought, what the hell, one of them had to be bold and out there!

 

No idea what is happening tomorrow. I have not had any calls to tell me I need to stay at home so, if we are in the mood, we may sod off somewhere! (Probably means it’s gonna piss down)

 

G’night

Hmm, sort of nothing kind of day

So, why am I writing about it then?

 

I dunno, bored I guess and trying to clear my brain ready for sleep!

 

Been creating again. Decided I can’t do anything very creative to the Disneyland Paris site, well, I can’t think of anything at the moment, it’s just too huge. I took a look at my other sites and decided one was ready for a makeover as it has been badly neglected. If I am honest, and I am, it still isn’t what it was intended to be when I bought it. I had high hopes of this little community site for a small village but, I just never get the time to do it justice so, for now, it’ll remain my ‘portal’ site.

 

 

It is rather ‘red’ but I thought, what the hell, one of them had to be bold and out there!

 

No idea what is happening tomorrow. I have not had any calls to tell me I need to stay at home so, if we are in the mood, we may sod off somewhere! (Probably means it’s gonna piss down)

 

G’night

A Slight Pamper Session

Finally, after weeks of promising myself, I went and got my hair cut …

 

So, what do you think?

 

I still have some R&R money and am thinking what to do with it right now!

 

The cold I have had a for a few days is still hanging on, made worse, as always, because of the damn allergies seeing as I can’t use my spray when my nose is not cooperating! I am feeling a little better now so hopefully not a lot longer and I shall be OK. Out Friday to relax in some wet stuff so better feel better by then.

 

To holiday or not? (that is the question). I have to wait annoyingly. I have no idea how much cash I am going to have so waiting is the only option  🙁

 

We do have November and Disneyland Paris to look forward to … only downer is when we find out which attractions shall be inevitably closed.

 

Gotta be the best racing game of the moment for the 360 isn’t it? I thought PGR couldn’t be beaten but this is quite awesome!

 

Bit of a busy week this one though next week seems busier. Anyone needing us to be at home need to get booking quick!  🙂

A Slight Pamper Session

Finally, after weeks of promising myself, I went and got my hair cut …

 

So, what do you think?

 

I still have some R&R money and am thinking what to do with it right now!

 

The cold I have had a for a few days is still hanging on, made worse, as always, because of the damn allergies seeing as I can’t use my spray when my nose is not cooperating! I am feeling a little better now so hopefully not a lot longer and I shall be OK. Out Friday to relax in some wet stuff so better feel better by then.

 

To holiday or not? (that is the question). I have to wait annoyingly. I have no idea how much cash I am going to have so waiting is the only option  🙁

 

We do have November and Disneyland Paris to look forward to … only downer is when we find out which attractions shall be inevitably closed.

 

Gotta be the best racing game of the moment for the 360 isn’t it? I thought PGR couldn’t be beaten but this is quite awesome!

 

Bit of a busy week this one though next week seems busier. Anyone needing us to be at home need to get booking quick!  🙂