2009 - TWTYTW

As far as I can remember it started just after the end of 2008 and Billy had a birthday. For various other bits of 2009, see an earlier blog entry.

So, rather than dwelling on a year which started good, went downhill in the middle, in the third quarter picked up, continued an upward trend and then dropped off toward the end … let me consider 2010.

So, we are leaving the noughties and entering the tens, still doesn’t have a ring to it like my other decades, the 60’s, 70’s, 80’s & 90’s. Let’s face it, did the first part of a new millennium ever have a ring to it? The 1900’s had to wait until the 20’s before anyone mentioned it by decade. It was the war free decade of the Charleston and other things 20’s. But, that’s not important because we don’t yet got to the 2020’s.

So, for 2010, what do I foresee? One, maybe two holidays for me and Deej, one at least for us as a family.

A settled time financially if things work out OK.

New friendships for certain.

Josh’s and Immy’s first proper giggle (Josh is nearly there already) maybe a first word? I think Josh will be walking too.

There will, I think, be a proposal this year.

I am already on to speculation, good guesswork based on gut feeling but just guessing all the same.

What do I not know of 2010 but would like to?

How my health will hold up

Whether or not James can still get the support he needs to be the person he really want to be

What totally awful event the year will throw at me.

How long it will take to get the finances sorted out, for once, the current status of my accounts is not my fault. I will either be comfortable this year or struggling but not (I hope) in debt

Where we will be living by the end of the year. Being what we are we are never quite sure when the poo will hit the fan or bricks are going to start hitting the windows and events of this year have made that all the more likely thanks to a certain indiscretion (grr).

Will I have a good sized lottery win enough to make a lifelong difference?

What do I most want from 2010?

Good health and happiness for those I love

World Peace (obviously)

Everyone concerned with my family to get along and I do mean ‘everyone’.

No stress, anxiety, bickering, arguments, mind games, guilt trips, point scoring or insults.

That good sized lottery win … for the record, that means £5,000,000+ because that is enough to sort out this whole family, give us some serious options of what to do, where to go, how to live and with whom.

I want others to do thinking for themselves, they need to learn to do that otherwise all the pressure is on me. One person should never have to live more than one life at a time.

People reading this … if you are part of my family then please, think seriously about the future, don’t live it just for today … my family is, for the record and, I mean, my ‘moving forward’ family, the ones who need to accept they will always be part of each other from 2009 onwards …

Deej

Matt

Zoey

Daisy

Sean

Robin

James

Anne

and in no particular order BTW

All of those, one way or another, rotate about me or in some way cross over with me throughout the year. Yes, it may suit some to pretend others don’t ‘deserve’ to be included but whether it is like Robin, because they are close and caring friend or James, because they are the father of my grandson, or Anne because she is the mother of my granddaughter and dating my son or Sean because he is the ‘dad’ of Josh and the partner of my daughter or, even if it is just because I have love for all those people, they are family!

I am aware I left out Jermaine, he is always in my heart but doesn’t figure into the current complications any more than my dad does …. and, for the record, I do love him too, my dad. Not least because I understand now how easy it is as a dad to make mistakes with all the family politics and complications. For the record, I am not interested in being included in any will he may have, I don’t want it, I certainly don’t want the family politics which shall be attached to it so best write me out now assuming I was ever in!

This time tomorrow it will be next year, 2010, time for resolutions.

Can I ask, if someone is stuck as to what to pick may I suggest,

‘be nice to everyone unless who have to be mean’

James, if he genuinely wants it, is going to need a lot of help. I understand hardly anyone has any time for him, it’s totally understandable. After the year we have had with him, who could honestly blame anyone who turned their back on him .. but, if he asks for help and, as long as he doesn’t lie, do drugs, steal or hurt anyone, shouldn’t we make some sort of effort maybe? He has a chance this year for a clean slate. A new home, a son, and a very short deadline after which I suspect social services will say ‘adios’ and he’s on his own. In my kind, it starts now or not at all. Things shall move very quickly in the first quarter of 2010, he needs to keep up. I am saying that as a last ditch attempt to offer a helping hand. I am not blaming James, I am not forgetting the past, I am saying, a new year, a new and one final last chance. Let me down now and ‘end of’. I cannot say it clearer than that. I have made myself ill this past year worrying about stuff. I have the ability and energy to help someone who wants help but not for a loser or a bum who wants a short cut, a financial hand out, to scrounge and manipulate. If James wants to work with this family then no more stoners in his life, ditch the dealers. Be responsible, be on time, be honest. If James doesn’t understand this, before reacting, show it to Tom Noakes, I feel he’ll get it. Dads cannot be off their heads ever, they are always broke for all the ‘right’ reasons. They are respected for what they ‘do’ and never for what they say.

So, I wish everyone well for 2010. I hope to see all my friends at least once, we’ve not seen enough of each other this past year … hell, you guys have grandchildren to meet!

Love

Steve

x

 

2009 - TWTYTW

As far as I can remember it started just after the end of 2008 and Billy had a birthday. For various other bits of 2009, see an earlier blog entry.

So, rather than dwelling on a year which started good, went downhill in the middle, in the third quarter picked up, continued an upward trend and then dropped off toward the end … let me consider 2010.

So, we are leaving the noughties and entering the tens, still doesn’t have a ring to it like my other decades, the 60’s, 70’s, 80’s & 90’s. Let’s face it, did the first part of a new millennium ever have a ring to it? The 1900’s had to wait until the 20’s before anyone mentioned it by decade. It was the war free decade of the Charleston and other things 20’s. But, that’s not important because we don’t yet got to the 2020’s.

So, for 2010, what do I foresee? One, maybe two holidays for me and Deej, one at least for us as a family.

A settled time financially if things work out OK.

New friendships for certain.

Josh’s and Immy’s first proper giggle (Josh is nearly there already) maybe a first word? I think Josh will be walking too.

There will, I think, be a proposal this year.

I am already on to speculation, good guesswork based on gut feeling but just guessing all the same.

What do I not know of 2010 but would like to?

How my health will hold up

Whether or not James can still get the support he needs to be the person he really want to be

What totally awful event the year will throw at me.

How long it will take to get the finances sorted out, for once, the current status of my accounts is not my fault. I will either be comfortable this year or struggling but not (I hope) in debt

Where we will be living by the end of the year. Being what we are we are never quite sure when the poo will hit the fan or bricks are going to start hitting the windows and events of this year have made that all the more likely thanks to a certain indiscretion (grr).

Will I have a good sized lottery win enough to make a lifelong difference?

What do I most want from 2010?

Good health and happiness for those I love

World Peace (obviously)

Everyone concerned with my family to get along and I do mean ‘everyone’.

No stress, anxiety, bickering, arguments, mind games, guilt trips, point scoring or insults.

That good sized lottery win … for the record, that means £5,000,000+ because that is enough to sort out this whole family, give us some serious options of what to do, where to go, how to live and with whom.

I want others to do thinking for themselves, they need to learn to do that otherwise all the pressure is on me. One person should never have to live more than one life at a time.

People reading this … if you are part of my family then please, think seriously about the future, don’t live it just for today … my family is, for the record and, I mean, my ‘moving forward’ family, the ones who need to accept they will always be part of each other from 2009 onwards …

Deej

Matt

Zoey

Daisy

Sean

Robin

James

Anne

and in no particular order BTW

All of those, one way or another, rotate about me or in some way cross over with me throughout the year. Yes, it may suit some to pretend others don’t ‘deserve’ to be included but whether it is like Robin, because they are close and caring friend or James, because they are the father of my grandson, or Anne because she is the mother of my granddaughter and dating my son or Sean because he is the ‘dad’ of Josh and the partner of my daughter or, even if it is just because I have love for all those people, they are family!

I am aware I left out Jermaine, he is always in my heart but doesn’t figure into the current complications any more than my dad does …. and, for the record, I do love him too, my dad. Not least because I understand now how easy it is as a dad to make mistakes with all the family politics and complications. For the record, I am not interested in being included in any will he may have, I don’t want it, I certainly don’t want the family politics which shall be attached to it so best write me out now assuming I was ever in!

This time tomorrow it will be next year, 2010, time for resolutions.

Can I ask, if someone is stuck as to what to pick may I suggest,

‘be nice to everyone unless who have to be mean’

James, if he genuinely wants it, is going to need a lot of help. I understand hardly anyone has any time for him, it’s totally understandable. After the year we have had with him, who could honestly blame anyone who turned their back on him .. but, if he asks for help and, as long as he doesn’t lie, do drugs, steal or hurt anyone, shouldn’t we make some sort of effort maybe? He has a chance this year for a clean slate. A new home, a son, and a very short deadline after which I suspect social services will say ‘adios’ and he’s on his own. In my kind, it starts now or not at all. Things shall move very quickly in the first quarter of 2010, he needs to keep up. I am saying that as a last ditch attempt to offer a helping hand. I am not blaming James, I am not forgetting the past, I am saying, a new year, a new and one final last chance. Let me down now and ‘end of’. I cannot say it clearer than that. I have made myself ill this past year worrying about stuff. I have the ability and energy to help someone who wants help but not for a loser or a bum who wants a short cut, a financial hand out, to scrounge and manipulate. If James wants to work with this family then no more stoners in his life, ditch the dealers. Be responsible, be on time, be honest. If James doesn’t understand this, before reacting, show it to Tom Noakes, I feel he’ll get it. Dads cannot be off their heads ever, they are always broke for all the ‘right’ reasons. They are respected for what they ‘do’ and never for what they say.

So, I wish everyone well for 2010. I hope to see all my friends at least once, we’ve not seen enough of each other this past year … hell, you guys have grandchildren to meet!

Love

Steve

x

 

The Title

On the last post was all wrong … accurate, as it happens, but, kinda proves where my mind is right now.

The Title

On the last post was all wrong … accurate, as it happens, but, kinda proves where my mind is right now.

2 More Days to Go!

It has been 17 years since I last felt as I do today and I don’t like it.

What happens is that the pressure of life, being there for everyone else, being ‘me’ gets a little more than my brain can handle. 17 years ago, when this happened, it took two years to get over it.

Just as before I have been forgetting things, can’t work out simple problems like basic maths, rudimentary spelling (I spelt that wrong the first time) and get so angry so quickly. I have a need to run away from myself which is, impossible.

Recognising the signs is one thing, getting over it could be something else again.

Last time I was totally ill equipped to deal with how I was feeling, I didn’t know what it was. This time I am better prepared. I know breathing exercises, … oh, that’s about it, bugger!

What I know for sure is that, for a while, a few weeks maybe, I can’t have stress, I have to relax, give my brain the chance to recover and recharge. I do have to be selfish else I am not going to do myself any favours long term. I really don’t have two years to get over this, not this time around. Effectively, I need not to ‘have’ to do anything. Yes, there will be some things which are potentially unavoidable but, even then, if I can, I need to avoid them. No stressful meetings or telephone calls.

I cannot be around anyone who is stressed or anxious, I just cannot because I’ll absorb it.

What I am saying here is, in my awkward way, I need some support, some gentle loving, happy people around me, no guilt trips. If someone can be happy and positive without being all sympathy (I don’t need that) then please, stay in touch, visit, call. I am not doing parties or entertaining for a while. The rest of the family can carry on as normal but I need this break.

Those that will be around me, please, make an extra effort not to argue, disagree loudly or cause rifts, I can’t handle it … keep it quiet.

I’ll let you all know when I am OK. Do please work out what is wrong for yourself, I don’t want to explain it more than this does. It is not something to be gossiped about … the old man has not lost his marbles, not yet anyway!

2 More Days to Go!

It has been 17 years since I last felt as I do today and I don’t like it.

What happens is that the pressure of life, being there for everyone else, being ‘me’ gets a little more than my brain can handle. 17 years ago, when this happened, it took two years to get over it.

Just as before I have been forgetting things, can’t work out simple problems like basic maths, rudimentary spelling (I spelt that wrong the first time) and get so angry so quickly. I have a need to run away from myself which is, impossible.

Recognising the signs is one thing, getting over it could be something else again.

Last time I was totally ill equipped to deal with how I was feeling, I didn’t know what it was. This time I am better prepared. I know breathing exercises, … oh, that’s about it, bugger!

What I know for sure is that, for a while, a few weeks maybe, I can’t have stress, I have to relax, give my brain the chance to recover and recharge. I do have to be selfish else I am not going to do myself any favours long term. I really don’t have two years to get over this, not this time around. Effectively, I need not to ‘have’ to do anything. Yes, there will be some things which are potentially unavoidable but, even then, if I can, I need to avoid them. No stressful meetings or telephone calls.

I cannot be around anyone who is stressed or anxious, I just cannot because I’ll absorb it.

What I am saying here is, in my awkward way, I need some support, some gentle loving, happy people around me, no guilt trips. If someone can be happy and positive without being all sympathy (I don’t need that) then please, stay in touch, visit, call. I am not doing parties or entertaining for a while. The rest of the family can carry on as normal but I need this break.

Those that will be around me, please, make an extra effort not to argue, disagree loudly or cause rifts, I can’t handle it … keep it quiet.

I’ll let you all know when I am OK. Do please work out what is wrong for yourself, I don’t want to explain it more than this does. It is not something to be gossiped about … the old man has not lost his marbles, not yet anyway!

Christmas

To all those I know, a very merry Christmas. To those who should have been here (James), a special merry Christmas as I imagine (hope), being without Josh now is difficult. Let’s hope this is the last Christmas you or anyone else spend with the wrong people or on your own.

There is so much love going on here it’s such a shame to have anyone miss out.

Hugs to all

x

Christmas

To all those I know, a very merry Christmas. To those who should have been here (James), a special merry Christmas as I imagine (hope), being without Josh now is difficult. Let’s hope this is the last Christmas you or anyone else spend with the wrong people or on your own.

There is so much love going on here it’s such a shame to have anyone miss out.

Hugs to all

x

IMOGEN

My amazing new granddaughter!

Met her for the first time this evening, she is so pretty and so small. Anne looks worn out and Matt isn’t far behind her.

Clearly both Matt & Anne are going to be incredible parents, nice to see two young people taking on their roles in life and enjoying it … as it should be.

Love to all 

IMOGEN

My amazing new granddaughter!

Met her for the first time this evening, she is so pretty and so small. Anne looks worn out and Matt isn’t far behind her.

Clearly both Matt & Anne are going to be incredible parents, nice to see two young people taking on their roles in life and enjoying it … as it should be.

Love to all 

3 More Sleeps until Christmas

Hmm, seems not so long ago it was lovely, hot and sunny outside and yet, here we are, just 3 sleeps short of December 25th and on the longest night of the year too.

Am a little concerned we’ve not got enough for everyone this Christmas. I am reasonably certain we’ve spent the right amount, not so certain that it looks like we have. Why do I feel we have tucked something away somewhere and can’t find it? Amazing, just as I typed that we found one! I feel a little better now but still somewhat ‘tight’ on the gift front, I hope everyone understands.

Christmas day I am sure shall be fun no matter how mad it is no doubt going to seem. Poor Anne is going to be knackered all that moving about from one place to another with junior Williams but I am sure, like the rest of us did, she’ll manage somehow!

Tomorrow is suddenly a lot less busy that originally planned, I may even get to have a lay in bed! Wednesday could be very busy and I am sure it shall be. Thursday too, busy and then, there is Christmas day, mega busy followed by a very busy Boxing day and then, Sunday, will just be normally busy and then we have Monday … flipping heck, maybe I should have gone to bed at a sensible time!

3 More Sleeps until Christmas

Hmm, seems not so long ago it was lovely, hot and sunny outside and yet, here we are, just 3 sleeps short of December 25th and on the longest night of the year too.

Am a little concerned we’ve not got enough for everyone this Christmas. I am reasonably certain we’ve spent the right amount, not so certain that it looks like we have. Why do I feel we have tucked something away somewhere and can’t find it? Amazing, just as I typed that we found one! I feel a little better now but still somewhat ‘tight’ on the gift front, I hope everyone understands.

Christmas day I am sure shall be fun no matter how mad it is no doubt going to seem. Poor Anne is going to be knackered all that moving about from one place to another with junior Williams but I am sure, like the rest of us did, she’ll manage somehow!

Tomorrow is suddenly a lot less busy that originally planned, I may even get to have a lay in bed! Wednesday could be very busy and I am sure it shall be. Thursday too, busy and then, there is Christmas day, mega busy followed by a very busy Boxing day and then, Sunday, will just be normally busy and then we have Monday … flipping heck, maybe I should have gone to bed at a sensible time!

Parenting

I was concerned when things fell apart back in the early summer of 2009 for Daisy that she would have to raise Josh on her own and manage her education. I need not have worried as along came Sean.

He has taken on a huge responsibility in raising Josh as his own, a new relationship, his own college course and, he has risen to the challenge.

Of course, not everything has gone smoothly, there are always going to be pressures along the way, pressures enough for a biological father in a relationship with a new child let alone a 17 year old father. But, for a 17 year old taking on this challenge he has been incredible. It is obvious to see the love he has for both Daisy and Josh. The way he has matured in just a few short months is to his great credit.

It makes me ever so proud to have Sean as part of this family and raising my eldest grandchild.

I am aware that some people have wondered what Sean’s role was within the household and felt awkward as to whether to call him Josh’s dad or not. Well, I think the evidence is there to be seen, Sean ‘is’ Josh’s dad. Not biologically, he’d never try to replace his biological dad, but in all the ways that being a dad are important, Sean is the man for the job.

Great credit must also go to Daisy of course. A child so young and a full time education to manage is never going to be easy. Motherhood seems to come naturally to her and I am very proud indeed.

 

In life we never know how long things are going to last but I certainly hope

Daisy and Sean have a very happy future together.

 

Parenting

I was concerned when things fell apart back in the early summer of 2009 for Daisy that she would have to raise Josh on her own and manage her education. I need not have worried as along came Sean.

He has taken on a huge responsibility in raising Josh as his own, a new relationship, his own college course and, he has risen to the challenge.

Of course, not everything has gone smoothly, there are always going to be pressures along the way, pressures enough for a biological father in a relationship with a new child let alone a 17 year old father. But, for a 17 year old taking on this challenge he has been incredible. It is obvious to see the love he has for both Daisy and Josh. The way he has matured in just a few short months is to his great credit.

It makes me ever so proud to have Sean as part of this family and raising my eldest grandchild.

I am aware that some people have wondered what Sean’s role was within the household and felt awkward as to whether to call him Josh’s dad or not. Well, I think the evidence is there to be seen, Sean ‘is’ Josh’s dad. Not biologically, he’d never try to replace his biological dad, but in all the ways that being a dad are important, Sean is the man for the job.

Great credit must also go to Daisy of course. A child so young and a full time education to manage is never going to be easy. Motherhood seems to come naturally to her and I am very proud indeed.

 

In life we never know how long things are going to last but I certainly hope

Daisy and Sean have a very happy future together.

 

Busy weekend

Been visiting family all this weekend in Kent and Essex. Was wondering for a while, with the weather, whether we would make it or not. As it turned out, the weather was barely an issue.

Journey times were acceptable.

We had a lovely Christmas dinner with my dad and Kath though, not at all happy to hear about my dad and his health problems. I know I shouldn’t worry but I do only have one dad and it’s kind of important to me he’s OK. They also did us a nice tea as well, really looked after us. Both Sean and Daisy were in full clumsy mode but that made it all the more fun.

The hotel, a Holiday Inn Express, was OK. No aircraft noise despite being at the end of the runway! I couldn’t sleep much though as the room was too stuffy, I really need a window open and don’t do well with sealed units with or without air conditioning. The mattress too was cheap so I felt that each time I moved I disturbed Deej which just kept me awake more.

The following day, the Sunday, we travelled up to Basildon to visit my ex in laws and another lovely day even if I did sleep for quite a bit of it. Of that I was very please to be honest. Had I tried to stay awake I’d almost certainly have not been able to drive home.

Didn’t get home too late though so been able to relax a fair bit.

Could do without the extended family politics right on top of Christmas, that much is for certain but, I am of a mind now that I am just not getting involved for the rest of the week with that particular issue unless I have so much free time on my hands I don’t know what to do with it.

It’s 01:40 now and I have a wash load to sort out.

Finger crossed for Matt and Anne … love them to bits and really hope baby decides to pop out or, at least, make a good start before Tuesday. On the plus side, I get to have another grandchild before Christmas. Just like the gravy at dinner time, no doubt he or she shall be passed to me last!  :-)  (I can wait) It is going to be an unusual and, quite welcome experience sharing this grandchild with other grandparents.

Busy weekend

Been visiting family all this weekend in Kent and Essex. Was wondering for a while, with the weather, whether we would make it or not. As it turned out, the weather was barely an issue.

Journey times were acceptable.

We had a lovely Christmas dinner with my dad and Kath though, not at all happy to hear about my dad and his health problems. I know I shouldn’t worry but I do only have one dad and it’s kind of important to me he’s OK. They also did us a nice tea as well, really looked after us. Both Sean and Daisy were in full clumsy mode but that made it all the more fun.

The hotel, a Holiday Inn Express, was OK. No aircraft noise despite being at the end of the runway! I couldn’t sleep much though as the room was too stuffy, I really need a window open and don’t do well with sealed units with or without air conditioning. The mattress too was cheap so I felt that each time I moved I disturbed Deej which just kept me awake more.

The following day, the Sunday, we travelled up to Basildon to visit my ex in laws and another lovely day even if I did sleep for quite a bit of it. Of that I was very please to be honest. Had I tried to stay awake I’d almost certainly have not been able to drive home.

Didn’t get home too late though so been able to relax a fair bit.

Could do without the extended family politics right on top of Christmas, that much is for certain but, I am of a mind now that I am just not getting involved for the rest of the week with that particular issue unless I have so much free time on my hands I don’t know what to do with it.

It’s 01:40 now and I have a wash load to sort out.

Finger crossed for Matt and Anne … love them to bits and really hope baby decides to pop out or, at least, make a good start before Tuesday. On the plus side, I get to have another grandchild before Christmas. Just like the gravy at dinner time, no doubt he or she shall be passed to me last!  :-)  (I can wait) It is going to be an unusual and, quite welcome experience sharing this grandchild with other grandparents.

That Robin Brewer has been Putting himself about again

Here he is, flaunting himself on local radio:

That Robin Brewer has been Putting himself about again

Here he is, flaunting himself on local radio:

Getting this blog

I only discovered today that some are not getting this blog despite me thinking they were (and them thinking they should be).

If you want to get regular updates, please let me know and I will sort something out

Getting this blog

I only discovered today that some are not getting this blog despite me thinking they were (and them thinking they should be).

If you want to get regular updates, please let me know and I will sort something out

Hmm, how to two?

Bugger, smilies don’t work (insert miserable face)

Hmm, how to two?

Bugger, smilies don’t work (insert miserable face)

OK … baggage getting cleared

My aim is to clear all outstanding stuff before Christmas so that I can just relax.

All home movies are now complete and on the network, some are ‘live’ on the interweb:

 

YouTube
– 2009, Birth until about 6 weeks – Josh.mp4

 

The one above is the most recent of the ones completed though I am not really too happy with the quality but, perfection is a funny thing to keep hold of.

I have the family accounts to do (ouch)

Family Politics need to be sorted too

Do I extend the Christmas budget?

I am so getting my allergy spray tomorrow cos this is silly with me sneezing all over the place and my nose is really stinging 

 

Looks like the Boxing Day house party is going ahead, a good excuse to go to Makro I think.

My JD supply is getting low, need some more I think.

OK … baggage getting cleared

My aim is to clear all outstanding stuff before Christmas so that I can just relax.

All home movies are now complete and on the network, some are ‘live’ on the interweb:

 

YouTube
– 2009, Birth until about 6 weeks – Josh.mp4

 

The one above is the most recent of the ones completed though I am not really too happy with the quality but, perfection is a funny thing to keep hold of.

I have the family accounts to do (ouch)

Family Politics need to be sorted too

Do I extend the Christmas budget?

I am so getting my allergy spray tomorrow cos this is silly with me sneezing all over the place and my nose is really stinging 

 

Looks like the Boxing Day house party is going ahead, a good excuse to go to Makro I think.

My JD supply is getting low, need some more I think.

I did it!

I had this problem with a home movie I was putting together, it just wouldn’t write to file. I just kept thinking about it and fretting and then came up with a solution that I thought may work and … guess what? It looks as though it has!

Sadly, I can’t solve every problem I bash into so easily. I do try and see a future problem developing and set things up to avoid it happening but, once things have gone horribly wrong, life just isn’t that easy to sort out.

Because of family/friends politics, my way of dealing with things isn’t always popular. I don’t work in the here and now, I am always thinking long term. That makes it all the more difficult … just like global warming … we all know the planet will one day be screwed but, what is better, wait for it to happen, it’ll be someone else’s problem or, try and slow things down now to maybe prevent it all going horribly wrong for our grandchildren?

I know, grandchildren? Some have barely thought about children let alone their children having children but, it’s amazing just how quickly that creeps up on us … just setting out in life and then, BANG! We are changing our grandchildren’s bums.

Look, I have been around long enough now to know that, given time, very little is ever so bad that good can’t come of it. Very few situations are so awful that given a year or so they cannot be sorted. Relationships in particular are like that. You know, we can really dislike someone in January but, with a lot of work on both sides, by the following Christmas we just feel a little bit silly about it all.

Speaking of Christmas, at this time of year in particular we need to relax and take off the gloves. It is a time of year when even armies on the battlefield lay down their weapons and remember they are people with feelings and emotions for the day. We must surely be able to do that for friends and family even if they have gone a little off the rails? (or a lot)

I am going to propose that we use this Christmas to not forget the past year but just to put those memories on hold for one or two days. We can all do that, it’s just a couple of days. It’ll have to be everyone though, just one person with a hard heart will bring it all crashing down. If it is reality TV, let’s call it ‘Friends for a Day’ where no matter how bitter the enemies, for one day they have to be seen to totally get along … it’s an interesting concept.

Can we all do that do we think? Talk to me everyone. Set aside (I am not asking for you to forget) but set aside the differences for just one day, maybe 2 at a stretch. After that, pick up your gloves or weapons of choice at the door and continue as usual if you wish but …. just for Christmas, let’s pretend eh?

I did it!

I had this problem with a home movie I was putting together, it just wouldn’t write to file. I just kept thinking about it and fretting and then came up with a solution that I thought may work and … guess what? It looks as though it has!

Sadly, I can’t solve every problem I bash into so easily. I do try and see a future problem developing and set things up to avoid it happening but, once things have gone horribly wrong, life just isn’t that easy to sort out.

Because of family/friends politics, my way of dealing with things isn’t always popular. I don’t work in the here and now, I am always thinking long term. That makes it all the more difficult … just like global warming … we all know the planet will one day be screwed but, what is better, wait for it to happen, it’ll be someone else’s problem or, try and slow things down now to maybe prevent it all going horribly wrong for our grandchildren?

I know, grandchildren? Some have barely thought about children let alone their children having children but, it’s amazing just how quickly that creeps up on us … just setting out in life and then, BANG! We are changing our grandchildren’s bums.

Look, I have been around long enough now to know that, given time, very little is ever so bad that good can’t come of it. Very few situations are so awful that given a year or so they cannot be sorted. Relationships in particular are like that. You know, we can really dislike someone in January but, with a lot of work on both sides, by the following Christmas we just feel a little bit silly about it all.

Speaking of Christmas, at this time of year in particular we need to relax and take off the gloves. It is a time of year when even armies on the battlefield lay down their weapons and remember they are people with feelings and emotions for the day. We must surely be able to do that for friends and family even if they have gone a little off the rails? (or a lot)

I am going to propose that we use this Christmas to not forget the past year but just to put those memories on hold for one or two days. We can all do that, it’s just a couple of days. It’ll have to be everyone though, just one person with a hard heart will bring it all crashing down. If it is reality TV, let’s call it ‘Friends for a Day’ where no matter how bitter the enemies, for one day they have to be seen to totally get along … it’s an interesting concept.

Can we all do that do we think? Talk to me everyone. Set aside (I am not asking for you to forget) but set aside the differences for just one day, maybe 2 at a stretch. After that, pick up your gloves or weapons of choice at the door and continue as usual if you wish but …. just for Christmas, let’s pretend eh?

Newton Crowd Revisited

In the summer I made a statement about someone who lives over Newton Road. At the time, with the information I had, I thought what I said was an accurate reflection of what was going on there, what it was like. I have a very real reason to regret that posting.
One of the guys, Tom N, has totally proved me wrong from all accounts. He has taken total responsibility for his new family, given up some things which may have affected his judgement and is generally doing alright for himself.
Whilst I appreciate, he may not read this, I do want to write an apology to him using this format as it is the one I chose to be critical.
We are drawing 2009 to a close and I want the past firmly in the past (if that is possible)
Tom N, if we meet, I’d like to shake your hand. It is good to know that a younger person takes life seriously and doesn’t shy away from their responsibilities. I also know he must surely know just how lucky he is to be a dad which I think means way more to him than anything I have written in the past 12 months!
Well done Tom
PS, if someone who knows Tom could show him this, I’d appreciate it.

Newton Crowd Revisited

In the summer I made a statement about someone who lives over Newton Road. At the time, with the information I had, I thought what I said was an accurate reflection of what was going on there, what it was like. I have a very real reason to regret that posting.
One of the guys, Tom N, has totally proved me wrong from all accounts. He has taken total responsibility for his new family, given up some things which may have affected his judgement and is generally doing alright for himself.
Whilst I appreciate, he may not read this, I do want to write an apology to him using this format as it is the one I chose to be critical.
We are drawing 2009 to a close and I want the past firmly in the past (if that is possible)
Tom N, if we meet, I’d like to shake your hand. It is good to know that a younger person takes life seriously and doesn’t shy away from their responsibilities. I also know he must surely know just how lucky he is to be a dad which I think means way more to him than anything I have written in the past 12 months!
Well done Tom
PS, if someone who knows Tom could show him this, I’d appreciate it.

I Sense …

A radical change going on

2009 has been a very traumatic year in both a positive and negative way. I am going to be totally honest here, I don’t want 2010 going the same way. I want 2010 to be a year of calm settled life.

I don’t generally do the whole New Year Resolution thing, I never much see the point to it. This outgoing year though, this is going to be different because, this year, I have baggage to sort out.

This is what I have set in my mind for 2010

• People either go into it with us totally or they become the problem to be removed from the picture
• At least once, Deej and I are going to go on holiday alone together to see if we can’t remind ourselves what a relationship is like
• We are going to go on holiday as a family
• Anyone who lies to us is gone, history, no longer related to in any way at all.
• We are going to make a bigger effort to see friends and remain in contact
• No more excuses not for us or anyone else. If someone wants to be the person they ‘just are’ then that’s cool, but not on my watch around my family!
• I am going to say ‘No’ more often
• I want zero contact with social workers except those for Zoey or those I happen to work alongside at the Carers Centre.
• We are going to get Deej officially ‘John Williams’ everywhere
• Sean is going to get a passport!
• The benefits situation is going to be sorted totally, no more pissing about with arseholes!
• I am going to stop being nice to people when I really think they are twats that need to grow up!

I reckon there may be many other things I shall think of but those shall be the ones top of my list.

Generally speaking, I am going to help anyone who wants help and who appreciates it. I am not going to waste my time with those too lazy to make an effort, drunks, druggies and those who have no intention of changing. Everything for those who need it, nothing for those who don’t … I can’t say fairer than that.

I Sense …

A radical change going on

2009 has been a very traumatic year in both a positive and negative way. I am going to be totally honest here, I don’t want 2010 going the same way. I want 2010 to be a year of calm settled life.

I don’t generally do the whole New Year Resolution thing, I never much see the point to it. This outgoing year though, this is going to be different because, this year, I have baggage to sort out.

This is what I have set in my mind for 2010

• People either go into it with us totally or they become the problem to be removed from the picture
• At least once, Deej and I are going to go on holiday alone together to see if we can’t remind ourselves what a relationship is like
• We are going to go on holiday as a family
• Anyone who lies to us is gone, history, no longer related to in any way at all.
• We are going to make a bigger effort to see friends and remain in contact
• No more excuses not for us or anyone else. If someone wants to be the person they ‘just are’ then that’s cool, but not on my watch around my family!
• I am going to say ‘No’ more often
• I want zero contact with social workers except those for Zoey or those I happen to work alongside at the Carers Centre.
• We are going to get Deej officially ‘John Williams’ everywhere
• Sean is going to get a passport!
• The benefits situation is going to be sorted totally, no more pissing about with arseholes!
• I am going to stop being nice to people when I really think they are twats that need to grow up!

I reckon there may be many other things I shall think of but those shall be the ones top of my list.

Generally speaking, I am going to help anyone who wants help and who appreciates it. I am not going to waste my time with those too lazy to make an effort, drunks, druggies and those who have no intention of changing. Everything for those who need it, nothing for those who don’t … I can’t say fairer than that.

Blood

One of the most amazing days of my life was when Jermaine was born, it was equalled by the birth of Matt, Zoey and Daisy. Each event so life changing, so amazing I can think of no other similar events to compare except, when Josh was born. How lucky am I? I get to be at the birth of all my children and then, as if life could get no better, I am at the birth of a grandchild too!

They may not know it or even want to accept it because I can be a grumpy old sod at times, but my kids and my grandson are my everything and, my new grandchild too will be added to that list as well as Deej of course. I will reschedule anything for them, do what I can until my death bed for them, they can have my last crumb and my last penny if they really needed it.

When I split from their mother several years ago I could not comprehend then or now ever not being a significant part of their lives. If I have ever made excuses for not being there, not doing something with them or for them, I am sorry. If it makes them feel better, I’d have felt like a failure each time.

Being a dad is just the most incredibly responsible thing anyone could ever do next to being a mum of course. I read about and see these guys who seem to think the world owes them a living, who feel that they qualify to be called ‘dad’ because they want to be. They don’t do anything though, they are not there for their kids, they pay nothing financially or in time. They father their child only when they have nothing better to do. That makes me mad, really mad! Not because it is wrong, and it is, but because these men have no concept of what they are missing out on. Right from the smiles of recognition as babies up to ‘I love you dad’ later in life. All of the effort, the heartache and sacrifices are worth it. No man can be a greater failure than to fail his children.

Blood

One of the most amazing days of my life was when Jermaine was born, it was equalled by the birth of Matt, Zoey and Daisy. Each event so life changing, so amazing I can think of no other similar events to compare except, when Josh was born. How lucky am I? I get to be at the birth of all my children and then, as if life could get no better, I am at the birth of a grandchild too!

They may not know it or even want to accept it because I can be a grumpy old sod at times, but my kids and my grandson are my everything and, my new grandchild too will be added to that list as well as Deej of course. I will reschedule anything for them, do what I can until my death bed for them, they can have my last crumb and my last penny if they really needed it.

When I split from their mother several years ago I could not comprehend then or now ever not being a significant part of their lives. If I have ever made excuses for not being there, not doing something with them or for them, I am sorry. If it makes them feel better, I’d have felt like a failure each time.

Being a dad is just the most incredibly responsible thing anyone could ever do next to being a mum of course. I read about and see these guys who seem to think the world owes them a living, who feel that they qualify to be called ‘dad’ because they want to be. They don’t do anything though, they are not there for their kids, they pay nothing financially or in time. They father their child only when they have nothing better to do. That makes me mad, really mad! Not because it is wrong, and it is, but because these men have no concept of what they are missing out on. Right from the smiles of recognition as babies up to ‘I love you dad’ later in life. All of the effort, the heartache and sacrifices are worth it. No man can be a greater failure than to fail his children.

Busy week & Sleep, what’s that?

Yes, this week has been busy, so busy it is difficult to recall just how busy but … busy will do.

Today little Josh had his jabs and very painful they looked too. Daisy came along with me, she wasn’t meant to but probably for the best that at least one parent was there. His legs have swollen up bad and he has been a bit warm, not a happy bunny at all bless him.

 

Last week James got to spend some time with him which was nice and we finally have some recent pictures of dad and son …

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Last week we also got JJ to see the paediatrician in Northampton General. They have done more tests but the diagnosis seems correct and Josh is now on an iron supplement he has to have daily to counter anaemia.

  At Duston School earlier on today was a valiant effort. I am looking for praise and the example it most deserves is that each of the cast members have given it their very best effort, there is no way, with the majority and, certainly the leads, they could have done more than they did.

I have to confess that, as a major Queen fan, I did cringe big time. Never have I heard anyone totally screw up Queen so effectively. One lad, and bless him, it wasn’t his fault, managed to hit just about every note that wasn’t on the music sheet. It was so bad I was in full crying hysterics, quite uncontrollable which also set off Daisy. The pair of us felt really bad about it but it was one of those times when the more we tried not to laugh the harder it became.

Back to being tired .. yes, just 3 hours broken sleep in 48 hours is NOT enough … and, on that note … night night everyone

Busy week & Sleep, what’s that?

Yes, this week has been busy, so busy it is difficult to recall just how busy but … busy will do.

Today little Josh had his jabs and very painful they looked too. Daisy came along with me, she wasn’t meant to but probably for the best that at least one parent was there. His legs have swollen up bad and he has been a bit warm, not a happy bunny at all bless him.

 

Last week James got to spend some time with him which was nice and we finally have some recent pictures of dad and son …

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Last week we also got JJ to see the paediatrician in Northampton General. They have done more tests but the diagnosis seems correct and Josh is now on an iron supplement he has to have daily to counter anaemia.

  At Duston School earlier on today was a valiant effort. I am looking for praise and the example it most deserves is that each of the cast members have given it their very best effort, there is no way, with the majority and, certainly the leads, they could have done more than they did.

I have to confess that, as a major Queen fan, I did cringe big time. Never have I heard anyone totally screw up Queen so effectively. One lad, and bless him, it wasn’t his fault, managed to hit just about every note that wasn’t on the music sheet. It was so bad I was in full crying hysterics, quite uncontrollable which also set off Daisy. The pair of us felt really bad about it but it was one of those times when the more we tried not to laugh the harder it became.

Back to being tired .. yes, just 3 hours broken sleep in 48 hours is NOT enough … and, on that note … night night everyone