Busy Day

Had a lovely trip down to Essex earlier. There was an amazing lack of traffic. I cannot remember the last time I managed there and back without any sort of hitch at all, no hold up, no roads works, nothing. Not even the usual idiotic Sunday drivers!

So, that means I was painfully earlier than I should have been meaning a lot of waiting around at the ex in laws house to go out for a mean. That then meant I was late for getting over to Dad’s in Wickford which proved a good thing because he’d forgotten to tell me he was going out! So, as it happens, I just needed to wait 20 minutes for him to turn up and everything was good. Also met my cousin for the first time in a great many years. As a gay man I think I can get away with saying she still looks beautiful, her face always smiles, or so it has always seemed to me.

I got a missed call whilst I was out, well, several missed calls from one person or another. One in particular.

Not going into too many details but, I really don’t think I can trust and certainly not get involved with someone who is an alcoholic. I mean a genuine alcoholic, not just someone who drinks too much occasionally. He promises me he’s giving up yet the other day he went out on a bender as he calls it. His excuse was that his life is stressful. I feel if I went any further down that road, my life too would be very stressful and, I can’t do that to myself. It’s time I learnt that when I see a train coming toward me, it’s time to get off the tracks.

I know the person in question isn’t on the interweb so, he won’t read this but, I think I will just have to tell him that I am very sorry but, the answer is no, I can’t do it.

lovely day

Spent a significant part of today with Chris. We first went to Billing Aquadrome to look at some hotrods and, some damn fine ones there were too. Then we went to Brampton Halt for a drink, that was lovely too. Followed this with a cinema trip to watch Spooks, very enjoyable.

All in all, despite having a headache throughout, a totally enjoyable day.

Start of Summer?

 

According to Accuweather, my birthday could be the start of a week long warm spell. Of course, my birthday is still 5 days away so this is meaningless guesswork but, who knows, it could happen!

I would very much like some good weather this summer as it looks unlikely I am going to grab a holiday any time soon.

The weather

It’s just 10C and raining. Quite unpleasant and right on the edge of June which certainly isn’t busting out all over.

I read Neverland Ranch is up for sale if you have 64 million. I find that somehow a little sad. No one knows if Jackson was ever guilty of anything except being weird yet he’ll always be tarnished with the possibility.

Nearly June Update

Have you seen this man?

 

That’s my other self on GTA V, Robin Banks. I think he looks just like the bloke I think I should look like but don’t!

Next week I shall be 52. I’ve always been a little nervous of being 52 as it is the age my mum died at. True, there are no similarities between her and me health-wise. But, even so, it sort of also brings it home to me just how young she was when she died, how much life she didn’t live. By comparison I am so much more fortunate. She never knew her grandchildren and she ended up with 6 of them. She never knew her great-grandchildren either and there are 4 of those. Most upsetting for me personally is that she never got to know me either. To her I was probably this stupidly introvert weird kid who had little respect for her (because I had sex in her house) and who had got this girl she didn’t much like pregnant.

She never got to know the person I couldn’t be then but later become and that’s sad because I would have liked to seen how she was, whether she would have approved of dumped me or just went through awkward denial. I’ll just never know. Of course, no point dwelling on what didn’t happen and can’t happen. She died in 1986 (July 10th) and that’s that.

So, at 52 what do I still want to do?

I really want to do more travelling. I’d like to return to the Philippines if I can, visit Hong Kong, India and Australia, I must do Australia as it tops up my continent tally! It’d be nice just to go somewhere else that sort of speaks English too. Where else? I really do want to do Gran Canaria again and the USA too, hell, so much of the USA! Top of the list would probably be Florida though, so much escapism. Seems greedy though as it was only 4 years ago I was last there. New York for sure but taking in Washington DC and Niagara Falls, that’s a big ask. I really enjoyed LA but wouldn’t go back unless I could add San Francisco onto the journey. Actually, San Diego is another I’d like to redo. Ibiza, that was the start of my international travels, the first destination I flew to back in 1982, so long ago now.

I’d like to do another holiday on the Norfolk Broads, I enjoyed that and it’s really quite relaxing.

Hmm, a hot air balloon, quite like the idea of that. Riding a motorbike again. Not done that since 1983 and that didn’t go so well. Having some fast fun around a race circuit in an awesome car, that’d be good.

All the above have a degree of the possible about them.

The not so likely is, have enough money to get my eyes and ears as fixed as they can be just so I can be somewhere close to ‘normal’ physically for a while. I do so hate wearing glasses and hearing aids. A lot of people don’t think let alone understand how horrible it is. My hearing level never gets above the quality of an old transistor radio, and they are uncomfortable always. My eyesight means I can’t see properly at any time. Sure, I can see but not naturally. I know from when I wear contact lenses that the sort of vision which is natural is a very long way off what glasses achieve. I can’t feel the wind in my face or wear fashionable shades. Certain personal things are thoroughly diminished because I need to remove my aids and glasses, forget turning the lights off, I actually would prefer the lights off so I might forget I cannot see and, sweet nothings are actually just ‘nothings’ without my hearing aids.

So, if I had the money, I’d get something done which the NHS would never fund. It wouldn’t be a cure but a huge improvement.

No, I still don’t colour my hair! I get really fed up with those who keep insisting I am colouring my hair to hide the grey, I just don’t, it is what it is. The only colouring goes on is my eyebrows as they are quite grey which just looks odd with non grey hair.

I’d like to get in shape but then, I’d also like to feel good about myself more often so I didn’t comfort eat.

What else? Well, I want to start the photography more again, I want to set up and use the Karaoke too. Both those help me unwind and I need some unwinding.

Love interest … sort of in the works but, not assured yet, a work in progress which reminds me, shall call him in a little while.

As for my birthday itself, I think that’s sorted.

Complex Families

I find myself tiring of the complexities which are the relationships we have between us and those we are closely or loosely related to.

Take my own case for example. I have a grandchild whose biological dad has, in my truthful opinion, being horrible to me in particular and a total waste of space to his son. Then I have his family who have believed stories they’ve been told about me, totally unfounded and they too have treated me quite appallingly. Now, the biological father is history, thankfully I never have to have anything to do with him again. But, the rest of the family are still related to my grandson of course.

They’ve never gone out of their way to hurt him other than not not bother to visit on several occasions they could have done but, we can put that down to what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. But, how’s it going to work long term? Whilst he’s young he’s no reason to know and he’s not asked but, if he asks he’ll be told the truth about all the history. Does the way they treated me become pertinent or not? Hopefully, I never have to deal with the issue. To my amazement, knowing how they totally disrespect me they still ask to use my house as a place to meet my grandson. I suspect, and this is unfounded so don’t quote me, that some of them stay away because of me, just because I exist.

For many years I tried really hard to hold it all together, create one larger family for the benefit of my grandson but it’s obvious sometimes that what we want and what we can achieve are not the same thing. Indeed, I hold myself largely responsible for this mess because I worked so hard to keep everyone onside. Had I not made such an effort then bio dad would have disappeared nearly 6 years ago and his family would never been any the wiser and certainly had nothing to do with him. I persisted for too long and created a whole heap of mess from it. I wasn’t wrong just ‘wrong’.

I don’t frankly care what any of those people do now as long as they leave me well alone. I feel harassed just because they exist.They prove to me that wrong doing doesn’t seem to have consequences. Also, doing the right thing clearly has had some damaging consequences!

So, that’s just the current situation. Quite manageable but, in reality I wish personally that Sean could legally adopt and that they’d have a fully recognised functioning family rather than the complication of someone else who keeps popping up and quickly out again doing no more than rock the boat.

As for older situations, well, after 25 years +  I’ve been invited to a family get together. I don’t know why now and not any time previously but, I’ll go along with it.

As a kid I had this rosy concept of Mum & Dad, two kids, loving aunts and uncles, fun cousins and so on. Reality is, that isn’t the concept which became reality and … who the hell am I to make such comments about a standard family?

Gay man, married twice, once to a woman then a man .. I am barely what could be called a role model for family sanity yet, somehow it seems to work.

Molly, RIP

Her condition changed so quickly we thought she might have had a fall but it turned out it was more serious than that and there was nothing at all the vet could do for except put her to sleep, out of pain. Bless her, she looked and sounded so scared, sad and in pain this morning it was almost a blessing to watch her slip peacefully away terribly upsetting though it was.

The first vets we took her to last night were appalling, only interested in money and a lot of it. They misdiagnosed Molly and left her in pain longer than she needed to be. VetsNow need to be investigated and possibly shut down for what they did.

I cannot praise Vets4You in Northampton enough, they were excellent and showed real compassion to Molly and us at a difficult time.

Killing a pet, because that’s what we’re talking about here, is a hugely tough decision. The very least we could do was to stay there with her as it happened. I couldn’t do it to her to prolong her suffering for our benefit knowing she likely would never get better, more likely get worse. It was the right decision and she’ll be missed. If I am honest, particularly by me. Though I didn’t want her and tried to get shot of her at first she became for some reason, attached to me. Everyone else she would go for but not me. It was like in some silly way I had a little furry friend who wouldn’t hurt me unlike so many human ‘friends’ have done over the years. She could’ve if she wanted to but chose not to and I valued that.

I hope my mum likes cats because now she has another one to look after.

Beautiful Memories

 

Firstly, a thank you to Nick for getting the ticket for me, was a lovely gesture.

I have seen the play before, my diary tells me that it was 4th October 2000 with Tony in Wellingborough. From memory that version was based on the film whereas last night I thought it was more possibly the original play.

It’s about two teenage guys living in South London in the 80’s. though the decade wasn’t overly apparent last night.

Jamie lives with his barmaid mum and Ste lives with his abusive drunken father next door in a tower block. They’ve been friends for years then realise there is more to it than that. This is the love story of those two, their coming out at a difficult time of homophobia, drugs and illegality. It’s really uplifting.

The play was excellent, all the cast shocked me at how good they were and my pre judgement was that the actor playing Jamie’s mum was totally wrong for the role, she wasn’t. Who she played was horrible in ‘Eastenders’ but in this, she was very believable and the audience warmed to her.

For some reason a significant portion of the audience left at the interval. I can but presume this is because they didn’t realise it had gay content and, if this is correct, it shows how far we still have to go in acceptance and equality.

Now, for me it brought back memories of my first real love. I was a little older than Ste & Jamie but my boyfriend wasn’t. We’d been friends for some time and it was almost out of the blue that love happened. Our relationship was illegal then just as it was for Ste & Jamie. Sadly, my Mum died and never got to know me as gay, my Dad was oblivious to everything. To me, the relationship I had with my first was truly beautiful.

The way it blossomed and how I felt I don’t think I will ever feel again but, seeing the play last night was a lovely reminder of much happier and surprisingly less complicated times.

Am Impressed

How lovely to see an employer prepared to quite literally fly the flag

Nationwide Support

I thought it might just be a local thing but true to their name, they are making this ‘Nationwide’ and seem to have realised that by actively including the LGB community it will change their image for the better.

I will be honest, it was strange for me to turn up at their HQ in Northampton earlier and see the flag flying there alongside the National flag and their Corporate flag but how forward thinking are they? Very in my opinion.

There are some 10% of the population who are LGB, that’s a lot of people. You know, there are still a huge amount of companies who don’t have ‘Civil Partner’ as part of their marital status list. Of those who do they still tend to class such relationships as less than traditional familiar relationships.

It isn’t a one off event either, across the country Nationwide are showing support for the LGB community.

It’s good to see, should be supported too in my opinion. It’s not a one way street. When a company takes a stand like this we as members of this LGB community need to support them either with our business or with publicity.

Feeling tired

A good weekend but my sleep quality wasn’t so good so going to grab some catch-up!

I also must remember that not everyone knows me well enough to get my sense of humour, oops.

Worth acknowledging that regardless of any outcome, the better people are still the better people. Those who are there when it matters hold the moral high ground. Liars and cheats might manage to pull the wool over the eyes of those who do not know but, the people who do know, know!

Xbox One, quite a learning curve and, at the moment I am not feeling it. Too much crammed in most of it I don’t need and it just gets in the way. Graphics are good but by the time I get to do anything I am bored already, it certainly doesn’t seem to do anything quicker from what I’ve experienced

Xbox One

I wasn’t going to get one and then I quite literally bashed into one for way under market at £190, all the others I looked at would be £270 or so.

Bought that but it came with the wrong game so got that exchanged for a right game. Did some more digging online and got the other two games I wanted. All in it cost me £245 which is stupidly good for the Xbox One and three top games!

A good Day

Got my hair done, Daisy got her hair done.

Went to town, helped Daisy choose clothes. I rushed back home and collected boys then back to town where the boys helped me choose clothes for Daisy.

Had to have my glasses sent back, the coating has come off the lenses. So, I waited 2 months for them, wear them a month and they’re gone again. Good job I have my superdrys!

To or not To

Matt has one, Sean & Daisy don’t. If I get one and transfer GTAV to it I exclude Sean & Daisy from further game nights and redoing the Heists. If I don’t get it, I exclude Matt.

Evil dilema

 

A Strain

On my Phone Battery, that’s what Facebook is!

I’ve not had the app on my phone for months and decided to install it a few days ago. I could use my Samsung Note 3 all day and still have battery life of around 80% at bedtime. After Facebook my battery wasn’t lasting the day!

I tried setting up not to be doing everything all of the time, not to keep notifying me of everything and anything but nothing I tried made any difference, it’s as though the user isn’t allowed to make any changes which don’t thrust their face in the app whenever they look at their phone.

So, today I deleted the damn thing, who needs it anyway! I would much rather have my phone as a phone when I need it with plenty of battery life, it’s a phone after all not a handheld Facebook console!

Britain, Britain, Britain

Eastern Europeans

Eastern Europeans come in for a lot of stick around these parts, partly from me.

Earlier on today I was wondering down Gold Street at a time when a singular Police Officer was trying to arrest a violent member of the public. An Eastern European man immediately jumped to the aid of the Police whilst British people, myself included, walked on by.

True, I am not best suited for such things and would no doubt be more of a hindrance than a help but, even so, it never even crossed my mind to help.

British Motorists

We are so not taught to driver properly, so many seem to be incapable of even driving as they were taught.

On a roundabout earlier a motorist drove across the two lane roundabout because they were going straight ahead totally oblivious to the fact they could (and did) have traffic to their right. They were feeding the wheel as they would have been taught but too slowly and they were barely driving at 15mph against a speed limit of 40.

Another motorist was at least 200yds out from a green traffic light yet approached it at 15 mph by which time it had gone red. They then took an age to get going when it turned green and proceeded to drive the entire length of Mill Lane at 30mph despite it being clear and a 40mph limit.

One of those was female and the other an elderly man, you might choose to guess which was which.

Lollipop Patrols

I get that we have to save money where we can but these men and women were a great asset, a glorious British tradition and one cut too many in my opinion. Now we have huge queues of traffic anywhere near a school because crossings are always in use. Back in the day the Lollipop men and women would use common sense and hold up both motorists and pedestrians as appropriate to ensure free movement as much as possible with minimum inconvenience.

To many they brightened up the dark mornings and it was one extra person to watch out for the children. One of the things which made this country what it was that we’ve lost to save money, to move ‘forward’.

Retail

I am not sure if it is just Northampton, it could be across the country but, the shopping experience has gone down hill loads. I can rarely walk into a store, especially chain stores where they seem to have all but lost interest in customers. Do they really think that making a customer wait whilst they sort out a bit of stock is good practise? Worse yet, making customers wait whilst they have a jolly chat about non work related stuff or, even work related for that matter. I am sure the ladies in Marks & Spencer earlier really did have a wonderful time at Butlins but I didn’t need to be an inconvenience to that conversation, they should have either not had it at all or stopped mid sentence when they saw customers walk in.

Customers don’t like seeing huddles or whatever stores call them, do that before the store opens and pay the staff to be there before the store opens to have those staff meetings.

Second Hand Stores or Pawn Shops

… do not insult your customers, do your research! I am not paying the same price for something 2nd hand that I could pay for it new online, just not happening and have no desire to haggle with you.

5 Seconds of Summer

Guys, you’re from Australia, you have no concept of what 5 Seconds of Summer is … this is Britain, we know!

We have entire summers that don’t happen. We wait for 6 long months for those long, warm summer days and what we get is barely warm wet days which end within 3 months before we accept the natural progress through the Autumn into winter again but … they were always hot and long when I was a kid, we all have the same memory regardless of how old we are. Of course, only those of a certain generation know the significance of 1976!

Busy day

None of this is complaint, I think I might have enjoyed it but it was a whirlwind of a day!

Good times with Zach earlier. I should have set my alarm though because I was awake at 7 and then just checking the clock each 15 minutes until 8:45.

Then I only just allowed enough time to get both Zach and Danny lunch before dashing back in time for their nursery.

Dropped Danny off then met with John in town for a quick drink then to Robin for a flying visit and then I had to drop Daisy off to collect Danny whilst I headed to the other side of town to get Kris’s two from school.

Got those arrangements somewhat confused so wasn’t sure just where or when I was meant to collect them so did a lot of waiting around.

Got back for a brief break which really wasn’t before flying off to collect Sean from work followed by Kris on the way back.

Kris had surgery today so is getting over that. She and Latina have my bed, I get the sofa.

Need to get up at some silly time in the morning to do another school run then might need to get some sleep so I can be awake enough to go to the theatre in the evening with Robin.

Microsoft to stop producing Windows versions - BBC News

Windows 10 will be the last version of the operating system to be numbered, says Microsoft executive.

I am wondering what their pricing policy will be in the future? They must have made a lot of money on the back of each new release so I can’t believe they’re prepared to let that go.

Could it be some form of subscription service? Pay each year of use, stop paying, stop using? Or perhaps there will be the free version which is way more basic and functional and the subscription service?

Have we really seen the end of paying for the Windows OS? I don’t think so.

Source: Microsoft to stop producing Windows versions – BBC News

Morgan Freeman calls for marijuana to be legalised - BBC News

Hollywood actor Morgan Freeman calls for marijuana to be legalised in US and “across the board”.

I’ve got a lot of respect for Freeman the way he switched career late in life and, well, became ‘God’ but, I think the old fool is speaking out his arse on this one!

Perhaps he has not, like I have, seen the damage the drug does to to many users. Not everyone is lucky, this drug messes up lives with good prospects, turns bright young men and women into total bums.

Sure, legalise it in a controlled way with proper research for medicine but, not recreational, please just let’s use some damn common sense here!

Source: Morgan Freeman calls for marijuana to be legalised – BBC News.

Farage stays as UKIP leader after resignation rejected - BBC News

Nigel Farage will stay on as UKIP leader after the party rejected his resignation.

You’ve got to have a laugh at this!

Source: Farage stays as UKIP leader after resignation rejected – BBC News

Christian Charity

Had to collect kids earlier from a Roman Catholic School. Everything got a little delayed (not by me) so I was kept hanging around. I was desperate for the toilet so I asked if I might borrow theirs to be told that, no, they don’t let strangers use their toilet. I’d already introduced myself, they knew who I was and that I was doing someone a good deed but, no, I couldn’t use the toilet.

Is there something missing from their Bible Teachings I wonder?

Should point out that the school was closed and if there were any children in it then they were still in their classrooms on detention or studying.

I just thought that was somewhat bad being a faith school.

Election Over - Thankfully

Not overly happy with the result but, not the end of the world (I hope)

Am finally getting my finances back on track, right on schedule so I am happy with that. It means I will soon be able to travel somewhere and that has to be a good thing as I do so miss travelling places … I’ll settle for the UK at this rate! I might be able to and I may have some money soon but, not for anything big, I’ll leave those in the bucket list for now.

I need to spend some more social time with friends, not seen Chris or Tyler for a long while, actually, still waiting for that coffee with Tyler since last year, guess you’re still busy with all the Christmas stuff  😉

Avengers, Age of Ultron, sort of awesome and the tie in with Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. is a lovely touch as well. Amazingly pleased to discover it has been renewed for a further season as has Agent Carter.

Sadly, Constantine has been officially cancelled now so we’ve seen the last of it. It’s a shame as it held promise. Main problem with it was that the main character just wasn’t likeable in any way. He is a chain smoking drunk, doesn’t go down too well that.

I’ve been having a clear out around the house. With Sean & Daisy now finally on the council waiting list I don’t intend waiting until they go to downsize. Went through the cutlery, a lot of knives missing and not one complete set of anything!

That was me a year ago, I need to get back to that look. I’ve got myself out of shape or, more into a different shape, a much larger one! I looked good a year ago!

I was a stone lighter, that’s 14 pounds to those foreign types or 6.3kgs and I felt good too (or so I was told)  😉

Am putting the negatives behind me now and moving forward with a new optimism that just about everything will now be so much better

With regard to travel, I need to replace some cups and saucers, I know what I want but I can’t get it here but can get it in France so a few cheap days there thanks to Tesco vouchers might be called for. I need to thin out my collection of glassware as well. It sits in the cupboard month after month not touched at all.

I finally charged up the batteries in my camera though one is missing so I need to buy a new one. Actually, I can’t recall whether or not I had 3 or 4 as either would make sense because the camera can take one but I have an accessory which takes two.

Anne is doing really well as Zoey’s new Personal Assistant. Am really pleased about that.

 

Facebook (again)

I still cannot make my mind up whether to use it or not, maybe I can but just stupidly lock it down so that no one ever apart from my friends can see anything anywhere I post.

The last issue was because I posted to the local newspaper I subscribe to on their Facebook page and, if I do that, anyone can see it, it’s ‘public’ so, probably best not post anything to any of them!

Last Reminder

My blog is now over at www.ruright.org.uk/blog and upon visiting you will notice an easy subscribe option to allow you to be sent email when I post something.
As I am current away from Facebook, posts will not be appearing there

Could battery-powered homes be the future? - BBC News

Telsa Motors, the US company which makes electric cars, has unveiled a new battery it says can power homes using solar panels.

I’ve read into this and I’m really not convinced. It seems that if the more expensive unit is charged up fully it would power a washing machine for one wash. It could probably only power the average home for about 30-60 minutes and that’s pushing it!

I can’t see how anyone in the developed world could see any return on the product, the costs currently outweigh the gains. Of course, if the price came down to a few hundred then, perhaps it’s worth buying a group of battery packs to go along with your acre of solar panels!

Source: Could battery-powered homes be the future? – BBC News

HSBC will make move decision 'in months not years' - BBC News

HSBC says it will make its decision whether to move its headquarters out of the UK within months rather than years.

I am not really convinced that they have any intention of going anywhere. My view is that they got caught doing some naughty things that they ought not have done and didn’t like it. Added to that the increase in bank Levy and they are in a sulk. Seems, the people who cause the financial problems of the world don’t much like it when someone does it to them.

As for only taking 250 of the 48,000 staff with them, are they seriously considering downsizing or pulling out the UK totally? I can’t imagine them closing all their branches, losing all that revenue they make from the UK, just crazy talk!

Still, if they want to go, let them sod off and don’t blink about it. About time we showed these businesses and directors who have got too big for their boots that we don’t need them. We managed before HSBC, we’d manage after.

Source: HSBC will make move decision ‘in months not years’ – BBC News

McFiddle?

US fast-food giant McDonald’s could be facing a European Commission (EU) investigation into its tax affairs over an alleged €1bn of unpaid tax.

Source: McDonald’s faces potential €1bn EU tax avoidance probe – BBC News

Don’t Care For Today

It’s cool and windy and overcast and … eww

I also didn’t sleep so well in the 6 1/2 hours I allowed myself last night so am needing to catch up a little.

Feeling stupidly fat too.

Hearing got a lot worse, I suspect infection, possible right ear perforation, can’t be sure until I speak to the doctor. Right now am reluctant to use the phone and talking generally is difficult and awkward because of just how much conversation I am missing.

Still in need of a holiday, will have to wait a few weeks yet but, if I don’t get it in before July, it’ll have to wait until September.

Yesterday’s Issues

The issues which cropped up yesterday are now sorted and, I hope, everyone is OK with things, we need to move on with this.

It shows us though that we need to think really hard before we stick our heels in the ground and make sweeping statements. I know I’ve made my fair share of total screw ups!

Garden

Me and Sean worked really hard on the jungle garden earlier to get it down to this. I have the thorn injuries and aches to prove it, Sean is just dying slowly.

Both the boys worked really hard at cleaning the slide.

Can’t imagine the garden ever looking amazing but, if it’s functional, that’s good enough

Facebook

Using it again was a mistake. I once again opened myself up to attack and there are always those all too happy to stick the knife in.

I’ve deactivated it again and must keep telling myself to stop using it.

Feeling Horribly Low

Today my family was attacked for their history.

There is a truth that my parents were first cousins. It’s not illegal, it’s not against the teachings of the Church of England and even the Catholic faith do not hold against it as an instruction from God, in many situations they would approve such a union.

Today my parents relationship was challenged and said to be wrong. It was described as incest and their union was mentioned as the likely cause for having disabled children myself.

Moral aspects aside, that’s my mum and dad. Me and dad never particularly got along but I was so close to my mum who died in 1986. I cannot imagine listening to anyone attacking her decision to marry my dad. Seeing the hurt on her face which I am sure there would be is a little more than I can reasonably deal with. I saw that sort of hurt on her face, it broke my heart.

When accusations like that are made it’s often forgotten that those about who the accusations were made are or were real people. It is so easy in this Facebook generation to think others are perhaps just virtual, that they don’t have feelings or that these things can be resolved with a ‘smiley’.

The context in which this was raised was someone trying to tell me that they would actively discourage their own children from forming a loving relationship similar to my parents. They were trying to say that because they would discourage them is not the same as disrespecting the relationship my parents had because my parents relationship was in the past, we should agree to differ whether what they did was right or wrong. To me that sounds like so many justifications for prejudice. They are not prejudiced because they are not talking about anyone that matters only someone else.

Well, my parents matter to me just as many parents matter to others. The word ‘incest’ is a horrible one.

The definition of Incest is:

1. sexual relations between persons so closely related that they are forbidden by law or religion to marry.

2. the crime of sexual relations, cohabitation, or marriage between such persons.

However, it is worth noting that most Christian religions hold quite strong that sex and procreation before marriage is a sin and should be punished. In other words, they class it as a sin (wrong) and it is mentioned in the Bible as such yet a relationship between cousins isn’t actually a sin, not quite ‘wrong’ they’d just rather it didn’t happen but accept that it does and they will, with a tiny little shove, marry cousins, in the Church of England, they want even blink about it. In this day and age, and thankfully for some people, Catholics don’t argue too much about sex before marriage either or living in sin. This is because we moved on, society generally realised that this, in the great scheme of things, is no big issue, doesn’t constitute a game changer any more than cousins marrying does.

As far as the negatives of cousins marrying go they are many and varied. There is an increased risk that if a family has a history of inherited illnesses then that risk is increased with cousins having children. That’s the biological risks. The greatest risk is to their children from others who feel it’s OK to comment that they do not approve. Those children will go their entire lives being told they are the children of sick and twisted parents. I can tell you, it’s not the best feeling in the world. If there are any health issues AT ALL then it will be blamed on their parents relationship. This doesn’t stop with children it carries on throughout generations. Neither church or country sees fit to actually legislate against it but yet, some will be so scared by what they don’t understand they will see the need to make a strong stand no matter who it hurts in the process.

Many do still class hostility toward cousins marrying as discrimination. When a law was proposed in the UK against first cousins marrying it was because some believed that the Pakistani community, about 1.5% of the population who tend to marry within family, needed educating. Seems so very few were advocating legislation to criminalise the practise more to ensure that genetic education was enshrined in law.

The increased risk of first cousins marrying having a defective child or still birth are around the same as a 40 year old woman having a child and no one is suggesting a ban on that.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:CousinMarriageWorld.svg shows the % of the planet who is for or against cousins marrying. A large part of Africa is missing though it appears much of Africa would not be opposed. So, the trend in the world is not to oppose it. Those US states who oppose it, many also oppose gay marriage, some homosexuality and some still have rather bad records on race as well. If this map was an election forecast then it would be a landslide for those who had no legislation banning cousins marrying.

As always it’s a minority who still discriminate and demonstrate prejudice. Ironically, in this case, it was some people who should understand all too well how damaging prejudice and discrimination are.

I’ve been hurt a great deal in recent years but I never thought the attacks would come from this particular direction about this subject. It just keeps going over and over in my mind hearing what I heard earlier.

I cannot back down on this one, I see no reason to. For me, backing down would be like telling my late mother personally that I think her marriage was wrong. I saw first hand how broken she was when her marriage fell apart. Even if I thought it was wrong, and I don’t, I’d have the common sense not to ever mention it knowing how much it would hurt.

Is a bit chilly!

Had a lovely afternoon with the family running around, chucking and kicking balls, playing tag and so on.

Am told tomorrow will be warmer at 19° and sunny …. yay

Been adding some people on Facebook, thought I’d make the effort and seek out who was now online. I was reminded yesterday why I have to be careful on Facebook. Remember I was saying about the damage gossip can cause? Well, I wrote a comment a couple of days back about drugs use in the town and how the police seem to do so little about the known drug dealers. After all, if they are obvious to someone who has nothing at all to do with the drugs scene, they sure as hell should be aware of who is behind it all.

Anyway, someone followed me by making accusations that this family of mine walk a fine line with the police and social services so I had no right to comment. They clearly believe that nonsense so they are repeating what someone else originally made up. On from that, others might read it and believe there is no smoke without fire and want to know what we’ve been up to. The fact that there is no ‘up’ to have been to doesn’t seem to much matter!

Online is one of the worst possible places to trust people and yet, we still do it. It doesn’t help that the management at Facebook seems to turn a blind eye to such things.

Am still feeling the need for a holiday, soon, very soon!