Missing

I’ve decided that the only way to find my lost 62GB memory stick is to buy another one. I visited Amazon and found the old purchase at £35 but now it is £14.99 except, underneath it said it had been replaced by a USB3 version for £13.99, a result I think!

Whilst I was there I also bought a tea strainer as that too has gone missing! I quite like leaf tea but can’t stand all the large leaves at the bottom. I particularly love Jasmin tea, it’s just sort of yummy and fresh and in my special china tea service too from China … OK, it was made in China but was actually bought in Spain at a theme park in their land which they call ‘China’ so, one way or another it’s authentic!

Cortana was missing as a working version from Windows 10 but strangely, now it works! I changed it all to USA location and it worked straight away, it wouldn’t with UK settings. I decided I really didn’t want my PC thinking it was American though so reverted back to UK and, as if by magic, Cortana works so, she doesn’t quite qualify because she’s no longer missing.

Dennis, I am missing Dennis … had to include him somehow in a blog!

I pulled on to a roundabout earlier narrowly missing another car .. entirely my fault, misjudged his speed and he had right of way.

Acquired a move the other day, ‘One of our Dinosaurs is Missing’ … can’t remember whether it was any good or not so might need to watch it.

Dennis

I am in love with Dennis pure and simple. Yes, I understand that some might find it difficult to understand how I can be in love with someone the other side of the world who I have never met.

Clearly it is possible because it’s real and, Dennis feels it too which, let’s face it, is a good thing!

We speak just about every day between 12-3pm or as much time as we can on Skype otherwise on Viber. Time always flies by so quickly even on those days when we barely say anything.

God willing Dennis will be over here next April time for a month to get to know me in the flesh and also to get to know the family a lot more and those friends who would like to meet him. We are, of course, relying on the UK Border Agency approving his tourist visa but that should all go through OK. I shall probably go there to visit over Christmas 2016. Dennis only really gets two longer breaks from work in April and December so when we can travel is restricted.

He is a teacher living, hmm, about an hour or so south of Manila? I think that’s about right.

Long distance relationships are tough, our time online is quite precious to us so, unless it is really important we’d appreciate it if calls and requests were kept to a minimum during ‘our’ time.

All things working out wonderfully, and we like to be positive, he may come here permanently in perhaps summer 2017. It might then be quite possible that by 2030 we will move back to the Philippines for retirement but, that’s a long way off yet!

Hopefully, in time, Dennis will remember to write on Facebook and add some friends and family so you all can get to know him too.

Upgrade time

Whether we like it or not, Windows 10 is upon us.

I was a little nervous about it to be honest with you. I was thinking we’d be dished up Windows 8.1 with some backward looking features to Windows 7. I am pleasantly surprised to be telling you that what we actually have is Windows 7 with the best bits of Windows 8.1.

So far, so good.

I think it’s rather possible that Microsoft have released it a little prior to everything actually working so, expect a service pack some time soon but, on the whole, it seems quite a neat package

A little off topic

Yes, my blog is often about current affairs or, more likely than no … me.

Not this one, this is about fairness and morality and parenting.

When someone has a child they believe they get automatic parental rights. There is no such thing, what they have is parental responsibility, they are two totally different thing. It means that until they are old enough to look after themselves (legally), as a parent there is a responsibility to support that child emotionally, physically and financially. Failure to do any of those consistently or at all is unacceptable by any definition unless there is the sort of situation which makes it impossible.

As a parent there is no right to opt out of their lives unless you are so far up your own backside you wish to put yourself first all too often if not all the time. This applies to mothers or fathers, I am not singling anyone out here for special criticism, I’ve know both genders who felt it was totally fine to leave the kids with another parent and live their own lives popping up again when they felt like it.

How old does a child need to be before any decent absent parent leaves them alone? The damage done to a child when a parent comes back and forth in their lives is huge. Children are not there to tick the box on parenting once every year or two, they are a 365 day a year responsibility. Some parents not only feel it’s OK to go off and forget about them but they go and create more children!

When should a parent (male or female) with residency (custody) stop access when ‘reasonable’ access was the award of a court?

Is just not turning up or making any attempt to contact the child for a year or so good enough to allow a court to accept the plea of no access from the primary carer? How about if the other parent is taking or distributing a banned substance (drugs) or heavily socialises with those involved in recreational drugs? At what point is it totally reasonable to deny access and, what should the absent parent do to win it back.

I’ve known absent parents, total born liars. Somehow they get believed but they lie to get what they want. They’d blame anything and anyone rather than take responsibility as to why they’ve not been there committed to their parental responsibility.

I have known other parents who have done nothing wrong and yet are denied access and yet still send money to that child and buy birthday and Christmas gifts they will never get. It makes me totally sick that there are fathers and mothers out there who think it’s OK to treat their children as secondary to anything and everything else in their lives.

Sadly, so many reasons for morally denying access to an absent parent are really difficult to prove ad there seems to be nothing in place to really arbitrate to the truth.

The best I can think of is extended periods of supervised access with drug and alcohol testing. If this is complete, then, and only then should an absent parent be allowed unsupervised access to the child but, it should be on a three strikes and your out basis. They are allowed three opportunities to see their child but if they make any excuse at all to cancel, on the third time, even if there have been OK times in between, access should be revoked.

What annoys me, frustrates me so much is that so many of those parents feel it is about them. It should only ever be about the welfare of the child. There is no place in parenting to lie to get to spend time with a child. Parents should lead a life which enables their quality consistent parenting.

My Boyfriend

He’s so lovely that even though he’d had a really busy day today he still waited up until gone midnight just to say ‘Hi’ before he went to bed.

I am a very fortunate man to have found him, we talk every day

The Bike Ride Which Wasn’t

After deciding not to cycle last weekend we were all looking forward to it today. Putting the bikes on the car and we discovered Daisy had a puncture. Only store open for repair kit (No, I don’t know why we didn’t have one either) was Pitsford 6.5 miles away so we drove there. As our destination was Salcey Forest we then drove there to repair the puncture and set off 17.5 miles. Upon arrival we discovered it’s worse than that (it’s dead Jim), the brakes were hanging loose with the bolt missing! So, we headed off for Halfords and, two hours after leaving home headed back home again, another 9 miles so a total of 33 miles and two hours for nothing really 🙁

All rather frustrating

Open Letter to ‘The Weather’

I love this country of ours, because of you there are so many glorious colours all around us. The grass is as rich a green as anywhere on the planet. Beautiful blooming flowers to brighten our days, we should be so very grateful.

Can I ask though, would it be just too much trouble to move those clouds elsewhere, you know, perhaps during the day? Let a little sunlight through, we all need a little sunlight and, part of your job is to ensure a balance, not too much of anything.

Could you, perhaps, offer us some truth and honesty? I mean, each day you tell us tomorrow will be fine and sunny and then you give us cloud and rain. No one likes a liar, just be honest with us. If you got out of bed wrong today then, that’s fine, it’s cool, I get that but, every day? Surely if it is every day you’re doing something wrong my friend.

Perhaps you need to relax, lower the bluster, stop crying those tears, let the sun shine through, it would do us all good.

Hey, nice of you to be listening, I appreciate that ray of sunlight on my keyboard right now but, if it isn’t too much to ask, we need a little more.

Thanks for listening, I hope you’re better soon.

July 14th

That’s a bit like Valentines day isn’t it only, not February, more sort of, well, if Valentines day hadn’t been chosen for February then it would have been July, I am sure of it. Not that it makes much difference because the love of my life lives 6,688 miles away on the assumption I was a very strong crow that can fly that far. It would also be a rather dull trip not flying over anywhere well know at all. Thankfully we have airplanes. The quickest route is a direct London/Manila flight, that takes 15 hours, add two hours to get to Heathrow, 3 hours waiting around at the airport, another maybe 2 hours from Manila. I could be there, if I left right now and a plane was waiting, at 10 to 6 tomorrow evening only then it wouldn’t be 10 to 6 tomorrow evening (Weds) it would be 10 to 1 on Thursday morning but, that’s so dooable … if we assume I could afford £650 right now and that a plane were actually waiting at Heathrow which it isn’t. So, even if someone had already seen sense and changed Valentines Day to July 14th it would still be the 16th before I could be with the man of my dreams. If I had the money I’d do it even for just 24 hours together because I am a little mad like that.

Love is not having to deal with things alone. Knowing that no matter how stressful the day has been, there is someone there to cuddle at night. I feel a lot happier knowing that there is someone somewhere on the planet, someone amazingly clever and funny that I am also attracted to, that there is that someone thinking about wanting to be with me too.

It is often comforting to know that the special someone is looking at the same sun and moon as I am or, it would be were we not constantly covered by thick cloud! Am totally sick of this dank weather. Forecast says it’s going to change Thursday so perhaps just the one more day of wet and chilly. I actually put a jacket on earlier … true, it was only for a few minutes until I realised it had got warm and muggy but, why should I even think of wearing a jacket?

Tomorrow morning I am having a lay-in, a good relaxed sleep knowing I can get up when I feel like it .. how many times do I promise myself that one?

Am wondering, will Dennis like things like ‘Bar Rescue’? Hmmm … How about Science Fiction? Actually, I’ve nearly finished all episodes of Stargate so he won’t have to watch that but, well, they’ll be more Star Wars and Star Trek coming out … hmm.

Dennis likes Disney, this has to be a very good thing. We have amazingly close taste in music, another amazingly good thing. Not sure about food yet but I think we’ll mash together a good selection of foods we both like … no bones and I am probably fine with it  🙂

I really want to snuggle on the sofa and watch some good movies together, how awesome would that be … hell, some people might even think we’re a proper gay couple, wow, that’d be amazing! We are, of course, a proper gay couple but, being single for so long makes it feel strangely exciting that anyone will think of us as part of a couple again. It is rather cool I think.

When Dennis applies for his visitors visa in January, I might ask some of you to write supporting letters if that’s OK? It’s not required but it can’t hurt right to show that we’re genuine people who are not trying to fiddle at all? We’ve got plans beyond that but, let’s stick to that for now.

Now I think I need to get on and finally get the track selections on the ipod so I have stuff to listen to in the car!

Good weekend

Not that I remember much of it and, no, no booze involved just busy and enjoying life.

Dennis makes me stupidly happy. I could just sit and look at him all day but not today. Today he helped me with something I was going to do on my own. I am not used to this having a boyfriend thing so, was glad when it just sort of came together. I needed to get a collection of tracks together to listen to in the car. My last one was a bit too familiar so I needed some good music to add. Dennis came up with quite a few I’d forgotten I loved.

The past couple of days, thanks to tech, we’ve had meals together, me, Dennis and the family over there. It’s good to discover what we’re each eating.

Obviously I wish he were a short or even long drive away, it’s horrible not being able to be together but, we can wait, we’re making plans.

We’ve had Matt, Anne and the children over today too which is always good.

Started playing Minecraft on the Xbox One tonight. Matt & Sean had been at me for ages to do it. It’s not so bad as it happens, 4 hours seemed to just go. I don’t think my first attempt was so terrible at building.

Vision Express Latest

I turned up this morning at 9am and we went through all the possible issues which could still exist with the Ray Ban glasses. It didn’t make sense that if they were the same prescription as the Superdry glasses I am wearing that they should be OK.

Now, on the subject of the Superdry glasses

I was given these because when the lenses turned up, or so I was told, they were not verifocal but single vision lenses. I discovered today that they are verifocal so, in effect, there is no real problem with these glasses.

Anyway, we decided at 10:45 that we’d get my sight checked again and rather than trying again to get lenses in the Rayban frames that I’d prefer it if they used the Ted Baker frames instead.

So, I had a short break then went back again at 12:20, got my eyes checked and they are going to increase the prescription slightly but not so much that I cannot switch between glasses, my vision should be just slightly improved using the Ted Baker option.

Left there finally today at 1:15

All I need to do now is wait as long as it takes to get the Ted Baker pair back and, with any luck, I will be able to see through them.

So tyred!

I knew the tyres on the front were a little low, borderline illegal but, I was showing Robin earlier and discovered a large nail in the rear tyre.

Fair to say I am very thankful I don’t pay for the three tyres which needed to be replaced! Would have come to the best part of a grand, ouch!

Having to Justify Stuff

Some may ask why I went into so much detail yesterday. You know, I’d really rather not have to. Sadly, so many people are judgemental. Each have their little opinions and, even when they don’t voice those opinions it’s so easily obvious to tell.

For example, I know if I were dating a man from England and meeting him each day for an hour so many people would be involved wanting to know how it is going, wanting to meet him, know more about him just as it should be. Because my man doesn’t live in this country is almost like the elephant in the corner, the awkward subject people don’t like to talk about because, basically, they are just waiting for it all to go wrong and … after all, everyone has heard those horror stories of how British people get robbed by Johnny Foreigner.

Well, my answer to that is yes, of course that goes on. Then again, it’s not so damn wonderful here when we have partners who cheat on us, some get beaten up and so on, no one can ever be totally certain of what they’re getting themselves into. But, just because there are some negative experiences, should that mean we never try, that we are so racist that we don’t think we can give some support to our friends and family who are succeeding in maintaining a difficult long distance relationship? The feelings involved are just as real. Having little to no acknowledgement feels quite awful.

This is the reality though … I have stupidly strong natural feelings for Dennis and I am certain he has for me too. Us two are both going to give a relationship our absolute best shot, really work at it. We probably have more in depth conversations than many other couples do seeing as we can’t really just sit in front of the TV ignoring each other all evening and class that as getting to know each other.

Yesterday Dennis did something that I’ve dreamed of a man doing my entire life. Sure, technology let us down but he sang to me and I joined in. That might seem trivial to some but, it was quite magical to me.

So, Dennis is Dennis, he’s not someone else, he’s not any of the people I’ve known before, he’s his own person with his own qualities and values. I am going to ask you to trust me that I know he is genuine and totally honest and that what we do we will decide together.

I know not everyone is against this, obviously not, many are totally happy to see how happy I am. Should anyone be against it then please, if you have nothing good to say and you don’t want to support me and Dennis then, stay away, we don’t need you.

So, I shouldn’t need to justify anything but, I do.

It’s been lovely to get those message of support I got yesterday by the way. It would be even more lovely if you were to post a comment here or on Facebook so Dennis can see he’s got support here. Hell, just imagine how scary it could feel coming to a country where others might think you’re less than honest, can you imagine that? As my boyfriend I’d like you to respect Dennis, he’s totally lovely as you will hopefully some day discover for yourself.

The Filipino Debate

I’d very much like to thank the many friends and family who are concerned enough about me to be worried about my involvement with the Philippines and any future relationship I might have with someone there.

Now, over the past couple of years I made some mistakes. I didn’t know enough and I screwed up basically.

With Jo I had doubts from the outset but he was rather handsome and was funny and I thought, what the hell, it’s a cultural difference, I will adapt, we’ll meet each other half way and everything will be OK. So I arranged to visit. I could have kept it cheap but instead I opted for OK hotels and condo’s for a month and, when I was there we ate out all the time and I was paying. To make matters worse, I went and added two weeks in the States on the tail end and, well, that wasn’t cheap.

The first night in GenSan and already I knew something wasn’t right. There was an incompatibility that I really didn’t think I could live with. I spent many hours my first night there and first full day contemplating altering my plans and just heading off somewhere else. But, I’d sort of backed myself into a corner. So many back home were against it that I got determined to prove everyone wrong, I couldn’t handle coming home with my tail between my legs so I persisted. It wasn’t terrible, we got along mostly, had a good laugh and I was content. But, that bond wasn’t strong enough between us. It was also too soon, we’d really rushed the whole immigration process, Joe had screwed things up in the Philippines by not introducing me to his family, only a select few so the application got rejected. I was more upset that I looked stupid than anything else, I didn’t miss Joe, just the idea of being in a relationship. I had spent a lot of money on Joe, way too much.

Then, some many months later I started talking to Randy. He seemed lovely, I think he is lovely but, he wasn’t entirely honest with me, he was playing a delicate game he hadn’t told me about. Basically, he had me and this other guy on the go and had decided which ever of us made the first move out there was the one he’d choose so, it was a bit of a shock to discover this on Facebook.

I vowed not to enter into anything else with someone from another country, I was just going to make friends and then I’d have someone to visit when I went on my travels but, Dennis came along.

As Sean says, why would someone as hot as Dennis fancy me? Well, I don’t know but then, he does so I’d best take his word for it.

Look, let’s understand something here, the average salary for a teacher in the Philippines is about £260 a month, yes, that’s it! It’s stupidly unrealistic to expect someone from there to pay out for a flight to the UK which might cost £400 (on a good day), they don’t have the spare cash. VISA’s and other such things are often that bit too costly. I know that, it’s a fact and it’s not going to change so, what do I do?

I could take the attitude that it’s too much money, too risky, not worth the gamble and try and find someone in the UK but, there is a problem there.

UK guys are, on the whole, ageist. My mind, the way I think is not the same as the majority of men my age, they are generally way to stuck in their ways, not looking to change or do ‘out there’ things. That’s not good for me. So, I need someone with a young energetic outlook on life and that isn’t easy to find. To make matters worse, guys here are also sizeist if such a thing is a real word, they don’t want a partner who is so much shorter than them. With the average male height here at 5’ 9” I am certainly short.

So, my issue is, I need someone who thinks as I do, who is my size, who doesn’t think age is an issue. Not only that, I need somewhere that this sort of man is abundant, where people my size are ‘normal’. The Philippines is that place. When I am there I don’t feel in any way freakish. If they only respected same sex relationships I’d be overjoyed but, they don’t. It’s a very Catholic country, they are very unlikely to respect same sex relationships in my lifetime.

Dennis loves me for who I am, not where I am from. Actually, I think we’d both prefer to live there than here but, for the reasons above, that can’t happen any time soon. My getting a visa to stay there would be nearly impossible.

So, knowing they don’t have the sort of money needed I have to find a way to fund it. Money won’t go to Dennis, it’ll go on the things that need to be paid for. Sure, if you’re going to look at it cold then that looks like a free holiday but … what if, for one moment you consider the possibility that me and Dennis are serious about that, that he can be trusted, he isn’t out for a fiddle? What if I say no now because of my history and never find anyone else wondering what might have been with Dennis? I don’t want to do that. I want to go with my instinct. Right now there are none of those things which rung alarm bells with Joe. We speak every day on Skype for an hour or two. I very often get to see family and friends there and he does here.

I truly honestly believe that I can totally trust Dennis, I’ve no reason not to. I refuse to blame an entire country for the transgressions of two people.

Our plan is that we work really hard to get Dennis a visitors visa to come here for a month next April. It needs to be a month as he’s really worried he’s going to get homesick, a month is long enough for that to kick in. After that, he’ll go home and we carry on as we are now. At some point I shall go stay there for a while, perhaps Christmas 2016 at some point in summer of 2017 we might, might consider a permanent arrangement but that might not be until 2018. Even if all that goes through it will be 2023 before he got a UK passport. I will be 60. I can honestly see a situation where at 65 I retire there in the Philippines but, who knows?

It’s all really early days, just one month in. You might be thinking that this is all too early but, I had a long marriage where we were engaged within a couple of months. A 6 year relationship where he moved in within days … that’s me, impulsive, a go with my heart sort of person. Sure, things don’t always work out, that is life. But there is one real bad failure in life and that is not to try.

My only real fear is if the money runs out before we complete this. I couldn’t bare to have found the right man but not be with him so, at some point in the future, if my finances do become a mess, it might be me who comes calling asking for help for a change. I’ve helped out enough people in my life so I am teaching myself that I might need to ask and, if they are the people I believe them to be, they won’t let me down.

Into July

The above pictures are the sorts of locations where I feel really happy and relaxed and I like being happy and relaxed.

Most are taken of and from Goodrich Castle whilst the last one is the River Wye near Symonds Yat. The car park there was £5 no matter how long the stay so I decided against staying longer than it took me to take the picture.

I was over that way recharging my batteries, in need of a little me time.

Since June 9th I’ve been chatting to someone a very lot. Yes, I know, he’s in the Philippines, bad experiences lessons learnt and all that but, my mind matches younger guys better and most younger guys in the UK think anyone over 40 is their sugar daddy or their headmaster or whatever role-play they are into. I just want to be with someone who can relax without being boring.

So, I started talking to Dennis and love our chats on Skype

He’ll probably hate that picture but, I think it shows his fun loving personality really well.

We’re playing the long game, no rushing it so, let’s see how it goes. One way or another I hope we can meet next year whether Dennis comes here or I go there. I keep buying lottery tickets to increase the chances of making something not stand in the way of possibilities.

The weather, wow, lovely at 33°C yesterday, today back down to 22°C again which normally feels great but not so much after yesterday, Meant to be 27°C tomorrow, that’s better.