I shall sleep well tonight!

I have been bugged for months trying to find a different way of creating website … tonight I discovered something that is going to open it all up to me and make my life so much easier in the future. I have the building blocks … now give me another few months to get creative!

I shall sleep well tonight!

I have been bugged for months trying to find a different way of creating website … tonight I discovered something that is going to open it all up to me and make my life so much easier in the future. I have the building blocks … now give me another few months to get creative!

I think, just maybe …

One last chance for the one who feels the need to blame me for everything and swear at me and I really do mean … just the ONE last chance. I don’t want or need it, I have very little to gain from helping out in any way and, it may be better for most concerned, for all I know, if I just stepped away and allowed others to do what they are just gonna do, see what happens.

 

Got the chance for some quality time with Deej earlier, enjoyed that … about time too.

 

You know what, I actually said a big fat no to someone too … someone asked me to do them a favour and I thought, you know what, this is my time and Deej’s time. I already help enough people, this is one too many. I am looking to shed trouble, not add to it so, I quite coldly just said, sorry, can’t do that for you, I have things I want to do for me instead. Now, how about that then? Can anyone remember the last time I did that and it really felt good too.

 

Has everyone seen the latest video of Josh yet?

 

 

There you go, all in the blog just in case you missed it …. He’s changed so much, has even started a proper little giggle now.

 

Got to see Immy earlier but missed out on a hold, no matter, they are over here Saturday.

 

Tomorrow, well, technically today, is Jermaine’s 23rd birthday, how can that be possible? It seems hardly any time at all since the day he was born which I still remember very clearly. I’d got so used to false alarms over the preceding two weeks, when I met Kris (Lorna as she was then) at her mums shop and she said she was in labour, I wasn’t phased at all. Even when we got to the hospital around 6pm I didn’t think anything was going to happen. But, sure enough it did and he was born just before midnight. He was a long one alright. We used to lay him on a pillow to feed him and he was longer than that so this gives some idea! He was lovely though, a beautiful little baby.

He was OK until about 11 months, around the time the picture was taken with his Great-Nan there. After that he just seemed to go backwards. He still sort of progressed but it was probably about one month development each year. He may have got to somewhere approaching a three-year-old at one point but has gone backward these past few years and is now only functioning at around 18 months to 2 years. He has several seizures each week and requires 4 injections a day for his type 1 diabetes.

 

It is such a horrible feeling of loss. I remember a much happier little boy. Even when he was 8 or 9 he was fun to be with and was able to play simple games. Since the diabetes kicked off when he was around 12, everything changed. He can be really violent and verbally abusive now. Communication is really difficult and he shows little appreciation for much in life. I don’t know, not really, if he likes his life at all or if he comprehends what it means to enjoy life.

I shall always love him, I’ll never see him without seeing that adorable little boy and remembering the person he was. Part of it is still there somewhere. Now and then we get a little glimpse of it. Love you to bits Jermaine.

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I think, just maybe …

One last chance for the one who feels the need to blame me for everything and swear at me and I really do mean … just the ONE last chance. I don’t want or need it, I have very little to gain from helping out in any way and, it may be better for most concerned, for all I know, if I just stepped away and allowed others to do what they are just gonna do, see what happens.

 

Got the chance for some quality time with Deej earlier, enjoyed that … about time too.

 

You know what, I actually said a big fat no to someone too … someone asked me to do them a favour and I thought, you know what, this is my time and Deej’s time. I already help enough people, this is one too many. I am looking to shed trouble, not add to it so, I quite coldly just said, sorry, can’t do that for you, I have things I want to do for me instead. Now, how about that then? Can anyone remember the last time I did that and it really felt good too.

 

Has everyone seen the latest video of Josh yet?

 

 

There you go, all in the blog just in case you missed it …. He’s changed so much, has even started a proper little giggle now.

 

Got to see Immy earlier but missed out on a hold, no matter, they are over here Saturday.

 

Tomorrow, well, technically today, is Jermaine’s 23rd birthday, how can that be possible? It seems hardly any time at all since the day he was born which I still remember very clearly. I’d got so used to false alarms over the preceding two weeks, when I met Kris (Lorna as she was then) at her mums shop and she said she was in labour, I wasn’t phased at all. Even when we got to the hospital around 6pm I didn’t think anything was going to happen. But, sure enough it did and he was born just before midnight. He was a long one alright. We used to lay him on a pillow to feed him and he was longer than that so this gives some idea! He was lovely though, a beautiful little baby.

He was OK until about 11 months, around the time the picture was taken with his Great-Nan there. After that he just seemed to go backwards. He still sort of progressed but it was probably about one month development each year. He may have got to somewhere approaching a three-year-old at one point but has gone backward these past few years and is now only functioning at around 18 months to 2 years. He has several seizures each week and requires 4 injections a day for his type 1 diabetes.

 

It is such a horrible feeling of loss. I remember a much happier little boy. Even when he was 8 or 9 he was fun to be with and was able to play simple games. Since the diabetes kicked off when he was around 12, everything changed. He can be really violent and verbally abusive now. Communication is really difficult and he shows little appreciation for much in life. I don’t know, not really, if he likes his life at all or if he comprehends what it means to enjoy life.

I shall always love him, I’ll never see him without seeing that adorable little boy and remembering the person he was. Part of it is still there somewhere. Now and then we get a little glimpse of it. Love you to bits Jermaine.

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Glorious Wednesday – NOT!

I did get a lay-in (yay) but that is about as far as rest has gone for today.

 

Apparently I didn’t make good enough arrangements today to go meet someone so they had a shower instead, cost me a fivers worth of fuel for nothing that. As it happens, I’d have not been able to stay long as someone left themselves in an awkward situation which they needed me to sort out for them … I mean, I could have been mean and strung it out a little but, I think they were feeling awkward enough as it was … after that was a short time of nearly relaxing until I checked messages on Facebook and found out someone I am bending over backward to try and help started a message to me along the lines of … “Who the fuck do you think you are?”, charming. Like I have said before, why do some people only ever see the ‘right now’ and ignore everything else … my patience with that person is wearing very thin, very soon I shall not bother and then I think they will see how bad things can get without me working for them behind the scenes!

 

Sean is feeling a little poop, probably man flu so dosed him up, cooled him down and told him to keep active, I think he shall be OK, probably all the excitement of getting a qualification this week for which we all ever so proud. He’s also got himself some work experience which could lead on to something even more positive and yet another course to ensure he gets more valuable qualifications showing just how much someone can come from nothing to something if they stop blaming their past for what they do now.

 

I feel quite shattered but amazed to see I actually have a clear diary for tomorrow … it won’t last.

 

Friday we are hoping to get to see Jermaine though we can never be quite certain. As it is his birthday we are going to try and make an extra special effort.

Glorious Wednesday – NOT!

I did get a lay-in (yay) but that is about as far as rest has gone for today.

 

Apparently I didn’t make good enough arrangements today to go meet someone so they had a shower instead, cost me a fivers worth of fuel for nothing that. As it happens, I’d have not been able to stay long as someone left themselves in an awkward situation which they needed me to sort out for them … I mean, I could have been mean and strung it out a little but, I think they were feeling awkward enough as it was … after that was a short time of nearly relaxing until I checked messages on Facebook and found out someone I am bending over backward to try and help started a message to me along the lines of … “Who the fuck do you think you are?”, charming. Like I have said before, why do some people only ever see the ‘right now’ and ignore everything else … my patience with that person is wearing very thin, very soon I shall not bother and then I think they will see how bad things can get without me working for them behind the scenes!

 

Sean is feeling a little poop, probably man flu so dosed him up, cooled him down and told him to keep active, I think he shall be OK, probably all the excitement of getting a qualification this week for which we all ever so proud. He’s also got himself some work experience which could lead on to something even more positive and yet another course to ensure he gets more valuable qualifications showing just how much someone can come from nothing to something if they stop blaming their past for what they do now.

 

I feel quite shattered but amazed to see I actually have a clear diary for tomorrow … it won’t last.

 

Friday we are hoping to get to see Jermaine though we can never be quite certain. As it is his birthday we are going to try and make an extra special effort.

I am so not yet better!

Saturday was a totally shite day for me … I mean, horribly, rock bottomly crap.

 

For the record, District 9 cost $30m to make, the average Hollywood movie is $150m. That means it was a ‘low budget’ movie. Slumdog Millionaire, was $15m, a very low budget movie.

 

If I can just agree to go to the eastern district or go to Tesco without objecting, I don’t think it is too much to expect someone may volunteer now and then to make a cup of tea especially as they ate my food as well. When someone annoys me, I don’t pack up my toys and walk away, I try and sort it out calmly, make allowances.

 

For the record, changing a really shitty nappy in the back of a car in the dark is not easy. That there may have been a slight bit of mess left for later is forgivable and, at the time, I did say he’d need to be sorted at home, that I’d done my best for now. I didn’t have to change the nappy at all and I didn’t need to be slagged off for not getting it just so.

 

It is not unreasonable to ask that babies do not dominate the entire evening in my own home. Yes, they need someone when they need someone but, that doesn’t have to bother everyone else. I love both my grandchildren but, every now and then, it is good to sit down as adults like we used to.

 

I am sorry if my current depression is not to the liking of everyone, I really cannot turn it off and on. I really think, considering how I am often feeling, that coming across as relaxed and chilled as I do is a small miracle. I don’t want the way I am feeling to effect everyone else but I can’t stop it affecting me it seems. I need you lot to stop arguing about sod all, no bickering, point scoring, devils advocate just relax, be calm and remember we actually love each other, how difficult can that be? Life is not a competition!

 

It’s 3am, I am shattered, want to cry myself to sleep but am not even sure I’ll be able to get to sleep. Things will seem different tomorrow, but, probably not.

 

Let’s show some love eh, there has been enough pointless stress caused this past year, totally pointless, how about we try and not let that happen this year? Would it help if I said please?

I am so not yet better!

Saturday was a totally shite day for me … I mean, horribly, rock bottomly crap.

 

For the record, District 9 cost $30m to make, the average Hollywood movie is $150m. That means it was a ‘low budget’ movie. Slumdog Millionaire, was $15m, a very low budget movie.

 

If I can just agree to go to the eastern district or go to Tesco without objecting, I don’t think it is too much to expect someone may volunteer now and then to make a cup of tea especially as they ate my food as well. When someone annoys me, I don’t pack up my toys and walk away, I try and sort it out calmly, make allowances.

 

For the record, changing a really shitty nappy in the back of a car in the dark is not easy. That there may have been a slight bit of mess left for later is forgivable and, at the time, I did say he’d need to be sorted at home, that I’d done my best for now. I didn’t have to change the nappy at all and I didn’t need to be slagged off for not getting it just so.

 

It is not unreasonable to ask that babies do not dominate the entire evening in my own home. Yes, they need someone when they need someone but, that doesn’t have to bother everyone else. I love both my grandchildren but, every now and then, it is good to sit down as adults like we used to.

 

I am sorry if my current depression is not to the liking of everyone, I really cannot turn it off and on. I really think, considering how I am often feeling, that coming across as relaxed and chilled as I do is a small miracle. I don’t want the way I am feeling to effect everyone else but I can’t stop it affecting me it seems. I need you lot to stop arguing about sod all, no bickering, point scoring, devils advocate just relax, be calm and remember we actually love each other, how difficult can that be? Life is not a competition!

 

It’s 3am, I am shattered, want to cry myself to sleep but am not even sure I’ll be able to get to sleep. Things will seem different tomorrow, but, probably not.

 

Let’s show some love eh, there has been enough pointless stress caused this past year, totally pointless, how about we try and not let that happen this year? Would it help if I said please?

Hate

I was thinking, seeing as someone mentioned earlier how they’ ‘hate’ someone else … do I hate anything? I don’t mean dislike strongly but really  hate? Now, I dislike lots of things, the one thing I detest is lies and liars. Actually, way beneath that is a whole list of things which I dislike that I won’t bother with here. Even my phobia is something I would add to the list of ‘dislike’, I don’t hate it because I know, if I wanted to, and if I tried really hard, I could overcome it and have done on many occasions.

 

No, hate is something else, it is so strong there can be no solution to it, something so frustratingly, annoyingly, impossibly ‘there’ that it dominates just about every part of my life. When I sat down and thought about it I suddenly came up with a list of things I actually, truly, without any doubt, hated!

 

These are all parts of the physical me.

 

I hate wearing glasses … I hate it, I mean, really hate it when everyone else is enjoying something like swimming or being on the beach and I can’t see anything except blurs. When I wake up and I can’t see anything and am fumbling for my glasses. I hate how vulnerable having to need glasses makes me. If I lose or break them away from home and I drove, I can’t get home again. I can’t even see enough to work out how to get a bus or train visually, I’d have to get a taxi and even then, I wouldn’t be able to see to make sure I paid the right amount properly. Think about it, if you could only see blurs how would it affect you.

 

I hate my hearing aids, I really do. Yes, I love them for giving some hearing but, again, I need them. I have been unable to make friends for years because or not being able to hear them properly and losing confidence over that. Always in pubs and clubs I have no chance of hearing anyone. I hate not being able to hear like in the night if the kids need me or something. I’ve had people banging on the door, ringing the bell and phoning me but I can’t hear them unless my aids are in and working properly.

 

I totally hate being 5’ 3”, I mean, really hate it. I hate it placing me in a category, I hate being judged for it. I hate being spoken over like my height makes me insignificant. I hate that everything is designed for ‘normal’ men.

 

I hate my teeth, they look horrible and I can’t do anything about it, I really hate them and my voice too whilst I am at it.

 

In my mind I am a stranger to this body of mine, it doesn’t say to me anything about who I am and what I am about. Nothing about the way I think is represented by my body. I am sure, totally convinced in fact, that I’d have had a much easier time in life, been way more respected had I been 5’ 10”, had 20/20 vision and normal hearing and gleaming white American teeth, I just know life would have been so much simpler for me.

 

But, you know what, knowing all of that, knowing how I hate those physical attributes, I love my life! I love my kids, my grandchildren and my friends, I love my husband Deej. I dislike the chavs around here but I love my home and I treasure my memories and experiences.

 

If having been born looking how I desperately want to look meant anything about that would change, then, hell, leave me short, deaf blind and ugly!

Hate

I was thinking, seeing as someone mentioned earlier how they’ ‘hate’ someone else … do I hate anything? I don’t mean dislike strongly but really  hate? Now, I dislike lots of things, the one thing I detest is lies and liars. Actually, way beneath that is a whole list of things which I dislike that I won’t bother with here. Even my phobia is something I would add to the list of ‘dislike’, I don’t hate it because I know, if I wanted to, and if I tried really hard, I could overcome it and have done on many occasions.

 

No, hate is something else, it is so strong there can be no solution to it, something so frustratingly, annoyingly, impossibly ‘there’ that it dominates just about every part of my life. When I sat down and thought about it I suddenly came up with a list of things I actually, truly, without any doubt, hated!

 

These are all parts of the physical me.

 

I hate wearing glasses … I hate it, I mean, really hate it when everyone else is enjoying something like swimming or being on the beach and I can’t see anything except blurs. When I wake up and I can’t see anything and am fumbling for my glasses. I hate how vulnerable having to need glasses makes me. If I lose or break them away from home and I drove, I can’t get home again. I can’t even see enough to work out how to get a bus or train visually, I’d have to get a taxi and even then, I wouldn’t be able to see to make sure I paid the right amount properly. Think about it, if you could only see blurs how would it affect you.

 

I hate my hearing aids, I really do. Yes, I love them for giving some hearing but, again, I need them. I have been unable to make friends for years because or not being able to hear them properly and losing confidence over that. Always in pubs and clubs I have no chance of hearing anyone. I hate not being able to hear like in the night if the kids need me or something. I’ve had people banging on the door, ringing the bell and phoning me but I can’t hear them unless my aids are in and working properly.

 

I totally hate being 5’ 3”, I mean, really hate it. I hate it placing me in a category, I hate being judged for it. I hate being spoken over like my height makes me insignificant. I hate that everything is designed for ‘normal’ men.

 

I hate my teeth, they look horrible and I can’t do anything about it, I really hate them and my voice too whilst I am at it.

 

In my mind I am a stranger to this body of mine, it doesn’t say to me anything about who I am and what I am about. Nothing about the way I think is represented by my body. I am sure, totally convinced in fact, that I’d have had a much easier time in life, been way more respected had I been 5’ 10”, had 20/20 vision and normal hearing and gleaming white American teeth, I just know life would have been so much simpler for me.

 

But, you know what, knowing all of that, knowing how I hate those physical attributes, I love my life! I love my kids, my grandchildren and my friends, I love my husband Deej. I dislike the chavs around here but I love my home and I treasure my memories and experiences.

 

If having been born looking how I desperately want to look meant anything about that would change, then, hell, leave me short, deaf blind and ugly!

Relationships

Why do people work on relationships which have always been fragile since the outset? I mean, life is a hell of a long time to be placing sticking plasters over an open wound.

None of us has to accept a compromise which ever makes us unhappy. If we are truly in love then the compromise and change will be on both sides and will be virtually unnoticed by those concerned.

I love my Deej, he’s mad but I knew from the first day I met him that it would be years, not months.

Some people just should not be together, it is not them both compromising, it is them both arguing all the time. They don’t see what is going right, they are too busy sorting what is wrong. In those cases I’d argue, it’s not the person they value but the idea of a relationship.

Seriously, if at least once every day you don’t think how lucky you are to be with this person, don’t bother! If, when you think of getting old or moving to a new town you don’t automatically think of them being with you, it’s not working!

Of course, some people, even if they don’t realise it, are so right for each other. On their own they struggle but, with that other person, they work.

sadly, some people don’t realise what they have until they have thrown it all away. Hell, gay people are a nightmare for always thinking the grass may be better elsewhere and, maybe this guy isn’t the ‘one’ and maybe they should just try out other options before they commit. Straight people too are not much better. Too many want to run before they can walk in their relationships. Start having babies before they have any thought about a future, want to ‘get a place’ without the first clue what that may mean, without thinking first not what they ‘want’ to do but what they ‘need’ to do. Just because something is difficult at the start, isn’t just the perfect situation they ‘want’ does not mean it isn’t working. There is always time for things to change when it comes to where they work, where they live etc. If their relationship is working, if they are in love and happy, what difference does a year or a few years of ‘making do’ make? That is, after all, part of the exploration of life isn’t it? Learning how to ‘make do’ together?

I feel so terribly sorry for those who sadly grabbed for what they wanted and lost what they had.

Relationships

Why do people work on relationships which have always been fragile since the outset? I mean, life is a hell of a long time to be placing sticking plasters over an open wound.

None of us has to accept a compromise which ever makes us unhappy. If we are truly in love then the compromise and change will be on both sides and will be virtually unnoticed by those concerned.

I love my Deej, he’s mad but I knew from the first day I met him that it would be years, not months.

Some people just should not be together, it is not them both compromising, it is them both arguing all the time. They don’t see what is going right, they are too busy sorting what is wrong. In those cases I’d argue, it’s not the person they value but the idea of a relationship.

Seriously, if at least once every day you don’t think how lucky you are to be with this person, don’t bother! If, when you think of getting old or moving to a new town you don’t automatically think of them being with you, it’s not working!

Of course, some people, even if they don’t realise it, are so right for each other. On their own they struggle but, with that other person, they work.

sadly, some people don’t realise what they have until they have thrown it all away. Hell, gay people are a nightmare for always thinking the grass may be better elsewhere and, maybe this guy isn’t the ‘one’ and maybe they should just try out other options before they commit. Straight people too are not much better. Too many want to run before they can walk in their relationships. Start having babies before they have any thought about a future, want to ‘get a place’ without the first clue what that may mean, without thinking first not what they ‘want’ to do but what they ‘need’ to do. Just because something is difficult at the start, isn’t just the perfect situation they ‘want’ does not mean it isn’t working. There is always time for things to change when it comes to where they work, where they live etc. If their relationship is working, if they are in love and happy, what difference does a year or a few years of ‘making do’ make? That is, after all, part of the exploration of life isn’t it? Learning how to ‘make do’ together?

I feel so terribly sorry for those who sadly grabbed for what they wanted and lost what they had.

ANY DICK CAN MAKE A BABY BUT IT TAKES A MAN TO BE A DADDY.

There is this group on Facebook, I totally agree and approve.

What I also want to add is this … just because a guy fucks up initially doesn’t mean he can’t later make it right. It takes a lot of bravery and effort but, I really think if a guy genuinely makes that lifelong commitment he can still become a daddy too even if he started off as a dick (as the title says)

ANY DICK CAN MAKE A BABY BUT IT TAKES A MAN TO BE A DADDY.

There is this group on Facebook, I totally agree and approve.

What I also want to add is this … just because a guy fucks up initially doesn’t mean he can’t later make it right. It takes a lot of bravery and effort but, I really think if a guy genuinely makes that lifelong commitment he can still become a daddy too even if he started off as a dick (as the title says)

Websites and Email

All went down this evening so very few email are getting through and 10 websites are dead in the water! OK, I hope ‘NOT’ in the water else they will never come back!

On another note, my ear has not yet cleared up, indeed, it has got worse so I guess I shall have to find time later this week to go to the docs and waste some time. As I am there anyway some time Weds to collect some repeats, it may be a good idea to call for an emergency appointment and get some antibiotics.

On yet another subject, earlier on today I was asked if someone was doing the right thing?

I am never really totally sure how to answer that sort of question. There are extremes of course, and it depends how close to an extreme each situation is. On the one hand there is the person asking if they are doing the right thing getting a taxi into town when it is raining and they can afford it, the answer is quite straightforward.

However, at the other extreme, if someone asks … I am an alcoholic, do you think it’s a good idea to stop drinking … well, it is a no brainer, obviously BUT … they are an alcoholic. For years they have lied about the problem, they have deceived to keep it secret, lied about where the money is going, lied where they were … all a lot of lies so, when they say, should they stop drinking? How much can be believed about the level of commitment? Not only that, no doubt a person has heard it all before and nothing came of it then so, why now? What assurances can an alcoholic give that this time they are serious? That this time they are not just saying the right things but secretly drinking? All I can think of is, documents, letters, proof of some kind because, the reality of that situation is, no one is ever going to believe them, they really do carry the burden of proof.

It’s a difficult one and, to be honest, the person who spoke to me earlier doesn’t really match either but, even so, it made answering the question, really quite difficult. One of the most troubling aspects is that, I want to believe this person is telling the truth but, I cannot take their word for it, it simply isn’t worth anything any longer. As a friend, I want to believe but, I can’t. I need proof. Worst thing is, I am probably not even on a level of attachment to that person to justify anything so, quite possibly, I never really will know for sure.

Busy day tomorrow (today)

Websites and Email

All went down this evening so very few email are getting through and 10 websites are dead in the water! OK, I hope ‘NOT’ in the water else they will never come back!

On another note, my ear has not yet cleared up, indeed, it has got worse so I guess I shall have to find time later this week to go to the docs and waste some time. As I am there anyway some time Weds to collect some repeats, it may be a good idea to call for an emergency appointment and get some antibiotics.

On yet another subject, earlier on today I was asked if someone was doing the right thing?

I am never really totally sure how to answer that sort of question. There are extremes of course, and it depends how close to an extreme each situation is. On the one hand there is the person asking if they are doing the right thing getting a taxi into town when it is raining and they can afford it, the answer is quite straightforward.

However, at the other extreme, if someone asks … I am an alcoholic, do you think it’s a good idea to stop drinking … well, it is a no brainer, obviously BUT … they are an alcoholic. For years they have lied about the problem, they have deceived to keep it secret, lied about where the money is going, lied where they were … all a lot of lies so, when they say, should they stop drinking? How much can be believed about the level of commitment? Not only that, no doubt a person has heard it all before and nothing came of it then so, why now? What assurances can an alcoholic give that this time they are serious? That this time they are not just saying the right things but secretly drinking? All I can think of is, documents, letters, proof of some kind because, the reality of that situation is, no one is ever going to believe them, they really do carry the burden of proof.

It’s a difficult one and, to be honest, the person who spoke to me earlier doesn’t really match either but, even so, it made answering the question, really quite difficult. One of the most troubling aspects is that, I want to believe this person is telling the truth but, I cannot take their word for it, it simply isn’t worth anything any longer. As a friend, I want to believe but, I can’t. I need proof. Worst thing is, I am probably not even on a level of attachment to that person to justify anything so, quite possibly, I never really will know for sure.

Busy day tomorrow (today)

Ear Ear

Oh dear, ear … I seem to have blown it  🙁 Judging by the way it feels and the blood, I think I may be safe to presume my eardrum has gone again in my right ear. Do I want to risk having another operation even assuming they would offer me one? I guess, like always, it’s not the hearing that is the point, it’s the constant infections and with my reduced immunity, I can’t much take the risk. So, I shall give it a few days to settle down and go off to see the doc for a wasted trip because they won’t be able to see anything. That means some spray which won’t do anything so they shall have to send me to the hospital to get it cleaned which will takes weeks. Then they will tell me they can’t do anything because I am only there to have it cleaned but the ear drum is broken so I shall have to see my GP to make an appointment to go back. If I am lucky, I may see someone late summer! I am so glad the NHS works so well.

Ear Ear

Oh dear, ear … I seem to have blown it  🙁 Judging by the way it feels and the blood, I think I may be safe to presume my eardrum has gone again in my right ear. Do I want to risk having another operation even assuming they would offer me one? I guess, like always, it’s not the hearing that is the point, it’s the constant infections and with my reduced immunity, I can’t much take the risk. So, I shall give it a few days to settle down and go off to see the doc for a wasted trip because they won’t be able to see anything. That means some spray which won’t do anything so they shall have to send me to the hospital to get it cleaned which will takes weeks. Then they will tell me they can’t do anything because I am only there to have it cleaned but the ear drum is broken so I shall have to see my GP to make an appointment to go back. If I am lucky, I may see someone late summer! I am so glad the NHS works so well.

Oh, The weather outside is frightful

… but the fire is so delightful …

Since there’s no place to go …

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

 

Anyway, seems like it’s all over now for this week, -4°C but clear skies. Of course, next week is currently forecast for snow all week.

 

Just wanted to say, Matt n Anne are great parents, nothing at all to worry about there. No one is perfect with their first baby and anyone who has kids already will know that so, if any new parent takes a while to work out what each cry means it’s totally understandable and acceptable.

 

I sometimes worry that me staring at Matt or Anne with Immy may make them nervous, that they could think I am somehow judging them. Nothing could be further from my mind. I am just thinking how amazing they look and how much love they have for Immy, I could sit and watch them for hours whether Immy is screaming or not.

 

Well done you too, Daddy is very proud of both of you.  🙂

Oh, The weather outside is frightful

… but the fire is so delightful …

Since there’s no place to go …

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

 

Anyway, seems like it’s all over now for this week, -4°C but clear skies. Of course, next week is currently forecast for snow all week.

 

Just wanted to say, Matt n Anne are great parents, nothing at all to worry about there. No one is perfect with their first baby and anyone who has kids already will know that so, if any new parent takes a while to work out what each cry means it’s totally understandable and acceptable.

 

I sometimes worry that me staring at Matt or Anne with Immy may make them nervous, that they could think I am somehow judging them. Nothing could be further from my mind. I am just thinking how amazing they look and how much love they have for Immy, I could sit and watch them for hours whether Immy is screaming or not.

 

Well done you too, Daddy is very proud of both of you.  🙂

Finished!

I am actually totally up to date with the home movies … yay!

Finished!

I am actually totally up to date with the home movies … yay!

Body Scanners

You see, I am all for airport and airline security but, having to be quite literally ‘exposed’ because a metal detector bleeps I am most certainly not in favour of.

As I understand it, if someone walks through and they get a bleep then, rather than the traditional ‘pat down’ that we’ve got used to, they will expect them to get into this booth which effectively strip searches. See from the picture above, it doesn’t hide anything.

Am I so keen on foreign travel that I am prepared to feel violated? You know what, I really don’t think so no matter how well trained the operative is, we just know these pictures are going to be appearing on the interweb soon enough or on youtube. It only takes one person to sneak them out and, if they do, who is responsible? It is another of those unfortunate things which happens with someone being sent for ‘retraining’ or will there be some serious compensation?

I’d like to say, it’ll never happen but it already is at several airports around the world and, already in Manchester. It is proposed all major UK airports will have these.

Were it not the case that several times those scanners have bleeped at me when going through when I know I had no metal I wouldn’t be overly concerned. The most worrying was a few years back. I walked through and it bleeped. I was patted down, they found nothing as there was nothing to find. Then there was a fire alert and we had to get out the building making us ‘land side’ again. So, we went though security again. The only difference was that in the between period I had been to the toilet for a dump … no alarm! So, either the detector was faulty or I had some metal in my turd! If it was faulty then, with this plan I’d have had to got naked in front of a stranger surrounded by strangers … not on at all thank you very much!

Body Scanners

You see, I am all for airport and airline security but, having to be quite literally ‘exposed’ because a metal detector bleeps I am most certainly not in favour of.

As I understand it, if someone walks through and they get a bleep then, rather than the traditional ‘pat down’ that we’ve got used to, they will expect them to get into this booth which effectively strip searches. See from the picture above, it doesn’t hide anything.

Am I so keen on foreign travel that I am prepared to feel violated? You know what, I really don’t think so no matter how well trained the operative is, we just know these pictures are going to be appearing on the interweb soon enough or on youtube. It only takes one person to sneak them out and, if they do, who is responsible? It is another of those unfortunate things which happens with someone being sent for ‘retraining’ or will there be some serious compensation?

I’d like to say, it’ll never happen but it already is at several airports around the world and, already in Manchester. It is proposed all major UK airports will have these.

Were it not the case that several times those scanners have bleeped at me when going through when I know I had no metal I wouldn’t be overly concerned. The most worrying was a few years back. I walked through and it bleeped. I was patted down, they found nothing as there was nothing to find. Then there was a fire alert and we had to get out the building making us ‘land side’ again. So, we went though security again. The only difference was that in the between period I had been to the toilet for a dump … no alarm! So, either the detector was faulty or I had some metal in my turd! If it was faulty then, with this plan I’d have had to got naked in front of a stranger surrounded by strangers … not on at all thank you very much!

This will be the very last blog entry of 2009 … shit, no it won’t …. this is the very first blog entry of 2010 …

34 minutes into this new year and, you know what? I really doesn’t feel a lot different … actually, no different at all!

Who are the first non family members I spoke to?

Paul … Andy … erm, several other people in the background who I could not quite understand but something about Jack Daniels so it had to be good.

The first thing I did this year?

Got a lump in my throat cos I suddenly remembered what Midnight on NYE was like when I was a kid, happy times.

Mr Random, Josh … yay, he’s funny.

Danny, never answers me any more, that’s what distance does for you.

Thanks to all those people who sent me a message whose number I don’t have in my phone. I have no idea who you are but it was a nice thought all the same …

Right, back to my Spitfire and then, quite possibly, a second JD and Coke (hick)

This will be the very last blog entry of 2009 … shit, no it won’t …. this is the very first blog entry of 2010 …

34 minutes into this new year and, you know what? I really doesn’t feel a lot different … actually, no different at all!

Who are the first non family members I spoke to?

Paul … Andy … erm, several other people in the background who I could not quite understand but something about Jack Daniels so it had to be good.

The first thing I did this year?

Got a lump in my throat cos I suddenly remembered what Midnight on NYE was like when I was a kid, happy times.

Mr Random, Josh … yay, he’s funny.

Danny, never answers me any more, that’s what distance does for you.

Thanks to all those people who sent me a message whose number I don’t have in my phone. I have no idea who you are but it was a nice thought all the same …

Right, back to my Spitfire and then, quite possibly, a second JD and Coke (hick)