I don't want to do this but ...

 

I had to search that earlier.

Although my son Jermaine is only 38 years old I have been told so many times how he's not going to live long, prepare myself for the inevitable and so on.

Finally, he's got an amount of money he can afford to buy a funeral plan which I hope suits the needs of everyone. Sadly, there is no way we can go the whole hog and have flashy cars, Cathedral and so on so it will be a simple affair. He will be collected, when he passes, from where ever he is, taken to a funeral home where he can be visited and then taken for cremation with his ashes collected afterwards.

How can I write about this?

I am trying very hard to pretend this is someone else, I cannot deal with the reality of who it actually is.

Back in 1986 I remember my nan telling someone that, no parent should ever have to bury their child. That is for sure true. Of course, it is also true that no son should have to bury his mother but, that is one of life's realities.

The money came from his grandparents the last of which passed away so long ago now, the inheritance has only just been paid out. I hope they'd approve of my choice but then, I didn't so much as get a mention in their will so, what do I care what they think after I behaved and respected them for decades raising their only grandchildren alone!

Yes, I am still upset about that. It's not the money, I don't need it. Just a mention, a tiny little 'thank you' in a passing line would have been plenty. If there is an afterlife then they can carry that knowledge of how disrespectful they were.

My emotions are now all over the place so, allow me the above.

With the plan in place, let's just hope I never have to use it.